I Share Travel Plans With 66ers

Dear Jarret Stark [XXX; Inland Empire 66ers] and Sean Peterson {XXx; Inland empire 66ers]:

Good day, Gentleman. I am sure you missed my presence last night at San Manuel Stadium. After all, is it really a Taco Tuesday if Bads85 is not in attendance? Alas, I will not be seeing you for a while as I have to earn my keep as an MiLB ambassador. Right now, I am flying to jolly old England to promote the 66ers’ brand (along with a few others teams). It saddens me that I will be missing the exciting upcoming promotions, but Europe needs my services in the coming weeks. 

I am traveling with two 66ers’ employees though (Little Bads and Parking Lot Kevin), so it is not like the organization is not with me. Since the drinking age is eighteen in Europe, we will be able to share stories of San Manuel Stadium throughout pubs in England and France. We are even taking El Cucuy to the beaches of Normandy to save Private Ryan. Oh how Le  Resistance will love to hear tales of the Mexican boogeyman!

Please keep the spirits of Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] high. He always gets a bit in the dumps when I travel as the cash register at The Garage does not ring as much when I am gone. One way to do that is to inform him that I am ready to retire from my primary job, and come work for him full time. After all, “Community Outreach” is my middle name, plus I am sure to lift the morale of the front office staff with my wit and charisma. Maybe we can get some new carpet too. And a kegerator along with an employee bar modeled after an Irish pub or an Wild West saloon.

Tell Joe I can start full time as soon as I finish my Northwest League/Pioneer League road trip that commences as soon as I reconquer Europe. Eugene, Spokane, Kalispell, Missoula, and Vancouver will be visited. Tell him I fully expect Allan Benadives [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] to present me with a firm salary offer this trip, but I am sure Joe can top it. Joe will probably be pretty jealous when he finds out that I am visiting Allan, so ensure he does not take out his frustrations on small, fully creatures. Well, he can blow some kangaroo rats to hell though. 

Are you guys ready for the 66ers fantasy football draft? I was going to been preparing on this flight, but Air Canada does not have internet on this plane because not all nations are civilized. I mean, those people drink LaBatts and Hiram Walker booze. Many of their major cities no longer have professional baseball, and those that do play in places even the Visalia Rawhide and Modesto Nuts would not play. The San Jose Giants would because their park screams for the wrecking ball, plus those poor sots are owned by Endeavor now. Yes, corporate clowns have a foothold in the Cal League, and Governor Newsom plays his fiddle.

Speaking of fantasy football, only half of my now famous bet was paid off last season. The golf polos have not made an appearance in the team shop. I mean you guys could just give me one of those spiffy new white employee polos and we can call it even, especially since Mr. Hudson will be formally hiring me sooner than later. I do not think it would behoove the 66ers if other organizations discovered that their general manager did not fully pay out his fantasy football losses.

I do have some suggestions for the 66ers’ between inning promotions. For starters, allow Berne to win sometimes. In fact, let Bernie beat some ass! Put some competition in the games. Have Bernie race an adult around the bases, and make sure the adult does gets crushed so all of San Manuel Stadium can laugh at this person. Long time fans have grown tired of Bernie losing all the time, and some humiliating defeats of paying customers will ensure San Manuel Stadium roars. Dress some parking lot attendants like Kevin in black El Cucuy costumes and have them impede the contestant. Perhaps you can set up some trip wires for when the kids run across the outfield. Let those little plate breakers and curtain climbers tumble in the outfield for the fans’ amusement. 

Anyway, I need to go for now. Give everyone a hug for me, but nothing so intimate that will invoke sexual harassment claims.

Your friend in baseball,


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s