I Talk to the 66ers about My Impending Employment with the Emeralds

Dear Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers], Daniel Vasquez {Assistant General Manager], Hollee Haines [Director of Group Sales], and Jarret Stark [Manager of Season Ticket Sales]:

As you have probably heard, Allan Benavides {General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] has hired me to fill the [Director of Assholes] for his organization. Or maybe it is [Manager of Media and Public Relations/Minister of Mayhem]. I always get those two confused. Perhaps I should clarify with Allan just exactly what I am doing.

I want to thank you guys for one hell of a run, and assure you it is far from over yet. I will be retaining my season tickets in Section 102, and I expect you guys to continue to treat my mother in law like a queen. I will be back throughout the season because Allan does not know it yet, but my contact contains travel days. I will always be a 66er because tattoos on the soul endure forever.

I do have a couple of requests before I start with the Emeralds October 3rd. Can you guys support poll of when Allan is going to fire me that I am about to post in our fantasy football league (how the fuck is Hudson 2-0 for far?) I believe this will be proper motivation to keep me focused in my new endeavors. Plus, it will certainly add to my mystique, which as you know, is important in shaping a MiLB legend. Statues do not build themselves.

Here is the poll:

How long will it be before Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] fires Bads85?

A) Before Bads even arrives in Eugene.
B) Halloween.
C) Never. Bads will have Allan’s job soon.
D) Bads will quit before Allan fires him because Joe Hudson will offer Bads a job with the 66ers, and the city of San Bernardino will have a parade.

Also, can I take one of your Beer Batter signs to Eugene to place on the wall behind my desk? You guys don’t appear to use your Beer Batter signs anymore, and I can tell my new co-workers that I stole it from you guys (more mystique building). I know you still have them because Little Bads created a detailed map of your prop inventory in case I needed some party favors in the future. I am trying to recruit him to work for the Ems this summer, but he is giving me some bullshit about about a biology internship at the University of San Diego this summer. I don’t know where I went wrong with that boy. Just last summer he was Bacon, diligently trying to remember to tape the foi
Anyway, I know Joe is going to be very sad that my credit card will not be setting the cash register in The Garage afire anymore. The rest of you should make sure you give him ample amount of hugs to get him through these dark times. Spring will be here we know it, and the Ems will be selling so many more tickets than you.


Your friend in baseball,


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