I Alert Max

Dear Max Mennemeier [Ticket Sales Emperor Eugene Emeralds]:

My good friend, I will be in Eugene this Monday. Let me tell you a bit about my life right now. I am a grown ass man and another grown ass man who is the general manager of a minor league baseball team is writing to me in monosyllabic grunts, pretending to be a pickle. He is requesting that his mascot, Dillon T. Pickle, throw out the first pitch at the Emeralds’ game this Monday. There is also talk about riding electric scooters, and his mascots inability to read my long missives. Meanwhile, your fearless leader, Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds], has placed himself in his cone of silence again.

This is not a drill. This is not a prank (on my end anyway). Dillon T. Pickle is coming to Eugene next week. I am sure his handlers will be with him. I am not sure of the full extent of their plans as now their GM only responds to my verbosity with grunts. I am sure you are aware that these guys do things big, so I doubt they are coming silently to meekly absorb America’s pastime in Eugene.

After a summer of watching affiliated ball continue to wither on the vine, I really am not sure of my intentions either. I am feeling froggy enough to earn an exile to Nanaimo for the 2023 season. However, my tawdry actions will occur outside PK Park, which I considered a third home. The Pickles though? Who knows. They might be total psychos. One can meet some real weirdos on the internet.

Let’s back up the truck to review in case this is not sinking in. The general manager of the Portland Pickles accepted my invitation for his mascot to attend a post season game in Eugene. When I responded in great detail inquiring about food trucks and Voodoo Donuts, the general manager went into full pickle mode and is now grunting about electric scooters and throwing out the ceremonial first pitch.

My advice is to allow Dillon T. Pickle to throw out the first pitch and have to cameras rolling for social media content. Winter is long, and having ample video of what should be a historic even will provide sunshine on those dark days with no baseball. Dillon can frolic with your mascots. Set up a fundraiser for a local charity, and tell the Pickles they will participate in this, or their mascot ends up in a dungeon (aka the visitors’ locker room at PK Park). I would say clear communication could be very important going forward.

Of course, I am just a simple premium package ticket holder. What do I know? Oh, by the way, I took the liberty to also invite the Spokane Indians and Hillsboro Hops mascots – not the Tri City Dust Devils though. That thing looks like a turd.

Your friend in baseball,


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