I Talk To Max About An Impending Trip To Eugene

Dear Max Mennemeier [Ticket Sales Manager; Eugene Emeralds]:

Thank you for your response and forwarding my email to Allan Benadives [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds]. Imagine my thrill when I discovered he actually read it! Here is some professional advice: do not send Allen too many emails, or he will tell you that his mom checks up on him less that you do.

I do understand Allan’s concern about presenting me a non-replica ring on Ring Ceremony Night, even though I was an emotional rock for the front office during the 2020 campaign. To be honest, I just need an official invitation to the ceremony from Allan so I can justify the trip to my wife and document the expenses for tax purposes. I know Allan is a busy man with all that stadium funding rolling in these days, so I will even write the letter for him so he can just copy and paste it to send to me.

“Dear Bads85:

I know I have been remiss in our communication the last couple of months, but you have never been far from my mind. I hope you can attend our Ring Ceremony Night on April 14th because you were such an integral part of the 2021 campaign. We know your humble self would balk at a construction of statue, but we request your presence that weekend in to honor you in the way you would deem most fit: late night drinking at The Cooler.

Your great pal,


PS: I really miss you.”

Anyway, you requested more information about my itinerary. I commend you on your proper spelling of that word, which has always given me fits. I do not have a full list of traveling companions yet. I do know that my son, Little Bads [Promotion Assistant; Inland Empire 66ers], is making the trip. He could shoot some hotdogs from a slingshot it your organization desires, although you would have to provide the equipment as TSA frowns upon launch weapons. He sort of looks like you, so perhaps he can use one of your IDs to access Eugene bars, not to drink mind you because that would be illegal, but to socialize and tell stories of the MiLB trade.

The current plan is to arrive on Thursday afternoon so we can be refreshed for the College Night Toga Party. Since my son will be leaving for college in the fall, I hope he gains some insight about what is in store from your highly educated front office. Perhaps you could arrange transportation for us from the airport. I do not know where we are staying yet? How big is your place? I hear Chris Bowers [Director of Corporate Events; Eugene Emeralds] has a new house.

I should be able to finalize my plans this weekend, even though suddenly I have to put together Cactus League trips. You see, I started my own tour company, Unknown Legends MiLB and Spring Training Tours, because I need a tax write off because my children have become adults. As always though, the Emeralds come first, well except for sometimes the Inland Empire 66ers.

Oh, if Allan changes his mind about giving me the bona fide ring, well, I would not be disappointed.

Your friend in baseball,


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