Dear Kyle Day [General Manager; Spokane Indians]:
Congratulations for your Spokane Indians being named Minor League Baseball’s Organization of the Year last week at the Winter Meetings. I apologize for not sending you a missive last week, but I was busy chasing glory myself, beating Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] by 83.7 points in our fantasy football matchup, effectively knocking him out of any playoff contention. It was quite the heady win that set the Low A West on fire for a brief time — until I lost this week to the commissioner, raising questions of collusion, as I had already locked up a playoff berth.
I recently came across a quote attributed to you on the internet, something about it might be someone’s first game at the baseball stadium, so it is important for the working staff to make the event special. While this is certainly true, it could also be someone’s last game. Some guy could go to a game and be angry at the wait in a concession line, and then be t-boned by a city bus the next day, and his last memory of MiLB will be one of anger and disappointment over a half cooked hot dog on a soggy bun for which he had to wait an inning.
A front office does not want to leave a bad taste in people’s mouths that follows them to the grave. Is increasing the price of a beer by a $1.50 really worth the risk of some old timer never returning to a game as he curses the industry in his last days? Of course not. Realistic thoughts like this are what has led to me being twice expelled from the Optimist Club, but sometimes you just have to keep it real with your staff. Most of the time, you have to be the warm, nurturing father type, but sometimes you have to implore that LIVES ARE IN THE BALANCE.
I just purchased some Spokane Indians’ gear — a jersey, a hat, and a t-shirt as part of a retail experiment. I have a feeling that gear will arrive before the Eugene Emeralds’ gear I ordered in October that still has not appeared. You see, now that I run the 66ers’ Twitter account, I am all about expediting shipping as I promote online shopping at their team store. Sure, promotions are still my first love, bit as you well know, one must versatile in this industry.
Speaking of promotions, I am sure your elite staff has been busy planning for the Marvel Entertainment spectacles that will certainly grace Avista Stadium in 2022. Have you thought about having a Recycle Man versus Iron Man cage match? I know you might be thinking, “Bads85, who the hell am I going to get to play Iron Man?” Otto Klein [Senior Vice President; Spokane Indians], that is who. Duh.
Does your staff ever make it to the Spring Training? Your affiliation plays at the Jewell of the Cactus League, Salt River Fields at Talking Stick. My crew usually attends two games there a year, not that slipshod crew from Eugene I traveled to Spokane with last fall, but real veterans of the road who fully understand the spiritual rebirth offered by meaningless exhibition games mixed with sunshine and copious amounts of booze. I have a suspicion that your staff really enjoys booze.
Anyway, I need to run. Those zany Emeralds won a victory in their stadium pursuit and will probably be drunk texting me very shortly.
Your friend in baseball,