I Begin My Schmoozing Campaign With Oregon Politicos

Dear Diana Jones [Program Supervisor; Board of Lane County Commissioners]:

I am sure you will be receiving numerous missives from Eugene Emeralds’ fans in the next four days, imploring you to embrace public-private partnership with the Ems and the Lane county Fairgrounds. You should listen to the content of these letters (and ignore any glaring grammatical errors, especially those of subject/verb agreement variety) because quite simply, it is the correct thing to do. Minor league baseball has been a consistent, integral part of the Eugene community since 1950. Without a new stadium, that disappears, probably forever.

I know you are a dedicated, honorable servant of the State with a busy agenda, so I will not take up your day with history or civics lessons. Plus, this is crunch time in the fantasy football season, and you probably have to get your playoff roster in order. I am even in the same boat, even though I just defeated the General Manager of the Inland Empire 66ers last week by 83.7 points. I am sure an accomplished fantasy owner like yourself understands how fleeting success can be in a season.

Diana (if that is your real name), please do what you can to ensure MiLB has a permanent home in Eugene by approving this partnership. Maybe you could suggest to the Emeralds that the new stadium includes a freshly squeezed lemonade stand because lemonade from a box is an affront to everything that is decent in this world. Some of those itty bitty marshmallows would be great in the hot chocolate also.

Thank you for your time. I would chat more, but I have to see some people about hats.

Your friend in baseball,


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s