Dear Ryan Moore [President; Myrtle Beach Pelicans]:
Congratulations! The Myrtle Beach Pelicans have finally been awarded a Golden Bobblehead for your wonderful Beer Bat promotion that set Minor League Baseball afire last May. The fact that Pelicans won their first Golden Bobblehead on the year I attended a game at TicketReturn.com Field is one of those ironic coincidences that the baseball gods throw our way. I do apologize for not being in contact much since last spring, but as you probably have heard, I have been rather busy. It has been quite the ride since we stumbled over each other on the internet in 2019.
I rode with the Eugene Emeralds for the summer, even being Allan Benavides’ [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] roommate during the Ems’ championship push in Spokane Washington, plus I am now running the Inland Empire 66ers’ twitter account these days. It is a rather wonderful story of how that came to be, including myself destroying Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] in two fantasy football matchups, but this missive is not about me, it is about the Myrtle Beach Pelicans.
Did you know I purchased my first Beer Bat in Fresno at the beautiful Chukchansi Park in 2019? I did not really think Beer Bats would take flight (see what I did there? Beers are often served in flights), but my buddy Peacock sure did. Peacock often has great moment prescience; other times he putts naked on practice greens after two many tequila shots. He fits well in Section 102 at San Manuel Stadium. After all, it takes all sorts to TOUCH THE NIGHT. I think we gave our Fresno Beer Bats to some hobos though.
Your crack marketing team coupled with some serendipitous events made Beer Bats one of the largest fads since the Pet Rock. Perhaps you should have a Pet Rock Night and see if you can catch lightning in a bottle twice. Be sure you do not pass out the rocks until after the game though. Rocks in the wrong hands can quickly transform into weapons, and weapons often lead to biker gangs circling the ballpark. I read somewhere that your organization sold almost 900 Beer Bats, despite supply chain issues. We call that number a good start to April at San Manuel Stadium.
Hey, did you guys happen to find a Scotty Cameron putter cover in the suite my group was in last June? Somebody in the group lost one along the way, and one never knows where those things just might turn up. We also lost some monkey wrenches, zip ties, blindfolds, shovels, and garbage bags. Hopefully you disposed of those before local law enforcement officials appeared to ask awkward questions.
I bet you are wondering when Bads85 is coming back to Myrtle Beach. The answer might be sooner than you think. A North Carolina baseball trip is in the works, and if the Schedule Gods are kind, Myrtle Beach is not that far from Fayetteville. I do believe that I am still entitled to throw out a first pitch at your fine stadium, unless that expired. Hopefully my brick will endure.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
Dead Religions 