I Have A Hard Talk With Jarrett About His Shitty Fantasy Team

Dear Jarret Stark [Group Sales Account Executive; Inland Empire 66ers]:

Have you ever thought of pursuing bowling as a hobby instead of fantasy football? This week was your fourth loss in a row, and your margin of defeat was so large that as the Monday night game waned, I was rooting for your wide receiver to start making catches, even though you were my opponent. Look at the bright side though: your team has scored more points than Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers]’s. You are also third in the waiver wire, so you can bolster your team to stave off Hudson, who might be inactive by now (he has only made one transaction all year).

Sorry I have not been communicating much recently, but ever since MiLB announced its partnership with Marvel Entertainment, my creative services have been in demand. I did have an idea for the 66ers: Knocker Ball with Joe Hudson vs. Marvel’s Captain America. Joe is the Inland Empire’s version for Captain America, so a cage match between the two should bolster attendance and the coffers of the 66ers’ charities. Do the 66ers have a Director of Promotions for next year? Should I throw my hat in the ring for the position? Rumor has it that Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] is looking for a Director of Season Ticket sales, but I would rather stay local.

Hey, when is Hudson going to pay off his bet to me? Have the golf polos been ordered? There has not been a tweet on the 66er’s Twitter account since September 15th, and that was not even an original tweet. Do you know how many Bernie pics I could have tweeted by now? Turn Bads85 loose! If word gets out around MiLB that Hudson does not pay his bets, well, that could get dark. Real dark.

Are you stoked for the Nitro Circus on November 19th? I am not, but will probably go anyway because any excuse to go the ballpark after the Arizona Fall League works for me, plus Little Bads is going to work it. Of course, it the Aguilas de Mexicali are home that weekend, I might go there instead. Life is open choices. Some doors open. Some doors close. Some doors have security cameras and should be avoided.

Are you going to be at the 66ers’ World Series party tonight? I sure hope so because no one from my crew is going now. Sigh, I had such high hopes for this group. Perhaps I need to start looking for recruits that are more dedicated after summer’s end. I bet the local drunk tank is full of candidates.

Gotta run. You and Joe should have a big hug for emotional support since the fantasy football gods are so cruel to poor drafts.

Your friend in baseball,


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