Dear Jarrett Stark [Group Sales Account Executive; Inland Empire 66ers]:
Congratulations on setting the record for fewest points ever in the history of all fantasy football leagues. If this were golf, I would strongly recommend you sell your clubs and take up tennis. It is not golf though, so you have to keep playing, hoping last week’s disaster was an anomaly. However, you already have two players that underperformed in the Thursday night game, so you might want to think about changing your team name to PARADISE LOST. Excuse me if I sound a little bitter, but you let my division rival, Jimmy’s Stuck, off the hook. Sigh, let’s just look forward, shall we?
I bet Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] was in a much better mood at the office this week since his team finally had a strong winning performance. Maybe it is now a good time to inquire about my authorship of the 66ers’ Twitter page. His good mood might not be lasting much long as this week he plays the probable best team in the league, Mr. Miracle. I am apprehensive that my good fortune will end this week as I play Kevin Shaw’s Merry Band of Convicted Felons.
Hey did your hear that Steve Pelle [Former Assistant Genera Manager; IE 66ers] is now the general manager of the Fayetteville Woodpeckers? The ‘Peckers are the reason the missive writing thing went BIG TIME. I wrote them years ago, imploring them to change their name to the Peckerheads because who wants to support a red-cockaded woodpecker? I became very tight with that organization when I created the now famous “Fear the Wood! Respect the Pecker!” motto that a local t-shirt shop printed. I tore up that stadium in its inaugural season, bring my Cactus League crew there for a game in a luxury suite. Little Bads was there also, but there were no incidents with security. The night ended with one of my buddies getting attacked by a pack of dogs at the train station.
Steve Pelle [General Manager; Fayetteville Woodpeckers] will be running with some bigs dogs in the Low A East as that is the land of Wade Howell [Vice President; Down East Wood Ducks], Ryan Moore [President; Myrtle Beach Pelicans], and Allan Lawrence [General Manager; Salem Red Sox]. Steve will be rubbing elbows with some minor league royalty, plus Hunter Horenstein [Director of Fan Engagement; Myrtle Beach Pelicans] is gainfully employed in that league. I bet he will be impressed when he hears I am in first place in the 66ers fantasy football league. I should write him quickly in case my team starts to slide. As you know, future success in fantasy football can be elusive.
Anywhere there is playoff baseball on all day to day, and beer that needs to be iced. The morning rain set my schedule back a bit. Did you guys perform a tarp pull to remain physically fit and mentally sharp? I might have sprained my arch in my right foot doing a plank today.
Your friend in baseball,