Dear Sean Peterson [Director of Ticket Operations and Sales; Inland Empire 66ers]:
Hey Rock, how are you doing? It has been awhile as I have been out saving the world from itself in these troubled times. I hope you have not been furloughed by the Elmore Sports Mafia since the MiLB season was canceled. I did finally receive my IE Cherubs hat in the mail, so someone is still working in the 66ers front offices. I must say, I look quite dashing in the hat, although nobody just what the Cherubs represent. It is quite time consuming to explain to every inquisitive soul at the grocery store about the alternative identity based upon a rejected re-brand from years ago, but the responsibilities of the Thirsty Thursday Ambassador are not always drinking beer and heckling the opposition.
Even though there has been no minor league baseball this summer, I have still been thinking of ways to improve the atmosphere at San Manuel Stadium. I am sure you have seen the fan cutouts in Major League stadiums. I have suggested to certain organizations to open up their own sales of cutouts, but you and I both know that will not work in The Dino because poverty sucks. However, I think it would be a swell idea to print of few of me and place them strategically around the stadium, say by the bar, various beer lines, and the left field concessions. You probably should put one outside the office of Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers]. You guys should probably print a few of yourselves so I do not look like a narcissist.
Another thing we can do is print cutouts of mascots from other minor league teams and put them in a holding area on the outfield berm. We can plaster this all over social media and make other teams send us tribute to get their mascot out of the pen. If the teams do not comply, we can put their mascot in compromising positions. Imagine the expressions of the faces of Ryan Moore [General Manager; Myrtle Beach Pelicans] and his sidekick Hunter Horenstein [Director of Fan Engagement; Myrtle Beach Pelicans] if their precious pecan named Splash is passed out with amongst empty bottles of Fireball while KaBoom of the Lancaster JetHawks whispers sweet, sweet nothings in his ear. We can put Tremor of the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes on the outside of the gates, forever denied entry to San Manuel Stadium. Maybe a hobo will ravage him.
I know you are thinking, “Bads85, once again you are a genius, but this idea costs money, and we are in the middle of a pandemic.” This is very true, but I have a plan to generate money. We are going to sell engraved bricks inside the stadium, far away from the hobo squatting. That second round of stimulus checks will be coming down the pipe very soon, and people are going to be loaded. Jimbo Longfellow from Grand Terrace is going to want his name on a brick down by the Hangar 24 Beer Garden. Plus, I have many friends in the printing business who are sure to give us major discounts on costs.
Hey, how do think carnies are faring during this pandemic? It has to be tough to own a ferris wheel or power slide, and just have it sitting on the street in front of their house, just laughing at them. Perhaps GM Joe might want to let some local carnies set up their craft in the outfield. Maybe the 66ers should get into the fair business. I know Dominick Guerrero [Head Groundskeeper; Inland Empire 66ers] might get upset, but you can always threaten him with parking lot landscaping projects. Those azaleas are going to plant themselves, Dominick.
Maybe you should approach GM Joe with the idea of a VIP Thirty Thursday Night i which only a select few cool people get invited to the park to drink beer on the field while we watch MLB.tv. on the scoreboardLet’s face it, in normal times much of the 66ers fan base is a disease ridden scourge, so it is best to keep the masses home. Let’s just start with my crew, and some of the front office staff I like (not that one guy). I will even be the celebrity bartender. If your organization does not have MLB.tv, we can use my login. Hopefully. somebody can make some wings. Firing up the soft serve ice cream machine could be a good idea also.
I need to run for now. Perhaps I will come down to the Top Gun showing at San Manuel Stadium tonight. I assume the event is BYOB.
Your friend in baseball,