Dear Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds]:
I was starting to feel guilty for not contacting you for a while as I have been busy assisting other teams, plus helping Mr. Pat O’ Connor [President; Minor League Baseball] deal with the contraction issue, but then I remembered that communication is a two way street, and since you have not reached out to me lately, you must be really busy also (probably planning the Bass Boat Regatta). I hope you have been well. I did not see your in your organization’s participation in the Willamette River Plunge this weekend. I thought to myself, “Allan would never duck out of an opportunity to help a great charity, so maybe he has the Coronavirus or is sleeping off a hard bender because Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire] came to town.” I heard he sleeps at your house when he goes to Eugene, which means you are a far more trusting person than I am. If something bad has befallen you, I sure hope you told your staff about me throwing out the first pitch this summer.
I have a question about the Emerald’s Sasquatch hat I purchased. Why is it the complete strangers glare at me when I wear this in public places? Is this common in Oregon, or is it a Southern California thing? At first I thought this phenomenon was because of my Myrtle Beach golf polo, and maybe Hunter Horenstein [Director of Fan Engagement; Myrtle Beach Pelicans] had some interaction with these angry people, but this odd behavior has been happening with other team gear, so I am pretty sure this Sasquatch hat is a trigger off some sort. I bet it is a Cubs’ thing.
I noticed that your online store really does not have any light colored Ems’ caps. Look, the black hats certainly works well in the rain forest up there, but down here in the land of the sun, this hats attract too much heat. If you want to brand to gain a larger national presence, you. might offer caps in lighter colors. You might be thinking, “Bads85, we had one of the top ten selling caps last year”, which is a valid point, but you know who else did? The Udder Tuggers. I do not think I have to tell you the stigma of finishing behind the Udder Tuggers. I would suggest a white Sasquatch hat with a black trim, which would turn a great deal of heads in the Cactus League in 2021.
If you would like, I could send you a picture of me in my Ems’ hat, and you can use my likeness as a marketing tool. In case you have not heard, I am a trendsetter. Hey, how are the bearded guys on the online store doing? Do they ever stop by the office, just to exchange minor league stories? I used to that at San Manuels Stadium, but they put a coded lock o. the front door to combat the hobo problem in San Bernardino. I can never remember the code because I have too many passwords in my head as it is.
Did you see this past week that the Columbia Fireflies [South Atlantic League] recognized my status as the Thirsty Thursday Ambassador? It would have been an even bigger moment, but their social media person misspelled Thursday, so you can imagine how well that went over with other minor league organizations. Everything ended well though, and if I ever want a Fireflies tattoo…
Do you get the bobbleheads for your promotions from a local place? I want to surprise GM Joe with his own bobblehead, but I do not want word to get back to him if I order it locally, plus I want a custom design that capture’s the essence of his personality. If you have a good supplier, I would appreciate the contact information. No weirdos though, please.
I need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day of Cactus League planning.
Your friend in baseball,