Dear Sean Peterson [Director of Ticket Operations and Sales; Inland Empire 66ers]:
Sorry I have not been able to respond to your January 24th missive, but the past week was the birthday of Hunter Horenstein [Director of Fan Engagement; Myrtle Beach Pelicans], and my Thirsty Thursday Crew celebrated this momentous day pretty hard, even though Hunter was across the continent. Plus, the Gwinnett Stripers finally added Thirsty Thursdays as one of their promotions, so they need a bit of guidance from me. I do have a little of time now that my Super Bowl guests have departed to respond to your excellent letter.
It is probably best we did meet each other’s acquaintance at the Winter Meetings in San Diego. I was running with a rather unsavory crowd that week: reprobates, cutthroats, and former US Senators. Yes, that sounds like almost any work day for me, but the stakes were much higher that weekend with the specter of minor league contraction looming over us all. Deals were made, bodies were discreetly buried, and while I am not proud of everything that went down behind closed doors, I think the Republic was saved.
I do like the idea that your accountant put forth, a handsome tax to be paid by all those around me at the game. I do see one problem in that those people are so despite that they forge beer vouchers, so collecting the tax might prove difficult. I am sure the 66ers’ Booster Club will manage to pass the bucket around though, just like when one of the home team hits a home run. I just hope there is no skimming from the fund though.
Taylor McCarthy [former General Manager; Stockton Ports] was in the process of completing the polo order for the 2020 California All Star Game when he jumped ship. He was trying to keep Owen Hopkins [Ticket Sales & Merchandise Executive] to stick to a budget, but Owen is an executive with vision who understands that All Star games do not have every season, and looking good is more important than saving a few shillings. I have no idea how things have progressed since that fateful day, but the Ports still do not have a general manager. I was thinking of applying if they would let me fulfill my responsibilities remotely from home and Section 102 of San Manuel Stadium.
If Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] does not take you to the All-Star game, you should ride with me. I promise you will we will get to Stockton before his crew does, and imagine the surprise on his face when he sees you are rolling with Bads85’s crew. I bet we end up with better seats also.
I did not realize that Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] was so close to our GM Joe. Allan dropped GM Joe’s name in his reply, but many minor league executives do that to try to impress me. Letting Joe sleep in his house certainly is a sign of trust. I mean, I would probably let him sleep on a lounge chase on the patio, and probably throw him a blanket, but we are not to the guest bedroom stage in our relationship yet.
Upon further reflection, perhaps you are correct about the Thirsty Thursday nameplate on my seat. The lines would be insufferable, and certainly detract from my enjoyment of the game. Somebody would get very upset when I do not sign an autograph for their child, and words might be exchanged. More importantly, I do not want to take anything away from the players or the game on the field because I am not about seeking attention for myself. Perhaps we should just go with a statue of my likeness near the front gate, or put my smiling image on the Thirsty Thursday promotions.
Well, it is time to earnestly start planning for the Cactus League. As the man on the radio says, “This is the best time of the day, the dawn. The final cleansing breath unsullied yet by acrid fume or death’s cacophony.” Make no mistake, the Cactus League of 2020 will be a savage place where ideologies collide. The idyllic days of spring have long passed, and the struggle of oral tradition against heartless corporate efficiency will be renewed. Hydrate or die!
Your friend in baseball,