I Talk To Sean About My Bill

Dear Sean Peterson [Director of Ticket Operations and Sales; Inland Empire 66ers]:

I received my bill in the mail for my 2020 season tickets, and I believe there has been some sort of clerical oversight. Apparently, my discount for being ruggedly handsome and infectiously charismatic was not applied. Perhaps the discount will be applied differently this year, say like in a fifty percent discount in the shots I purchase at the bar. I am sure you will talk to someone in accounting to rectify this matter.

Thank you for sending me the tentative 2020 pronation schedule. Fortunately, I will not miss too many exciting nights when I am jaunting around Europe in mid June. I will miss the Mike Trout Bobblehead Night, but I am sure I can find someone in my legions of friends to acquire that doozy for me since I am certain it will be vastly different than the other ten Trout bobbleheads I have. I will return from abroad in time for the California League All Star game in Stockton. With the departure of Taylor McCarthy [former General Manager; Stockton Ports], I fear that the odds of receiving an All Star polo have decreased greatly, but I will solider on because that is what minor league veterans do. Maybe when your organization begins its spring cleaning, a XXL 2019 Cal League All Star Game polo will be found.

Are you planning on attending the 2020 All Star Game? I am sure we could make room for you for the trip up. Both Fresno and Sacramento have home games the night before the big bash at Banner Island Ballpark, so some Pacific Coast League action might be in the cards. Or maybe will will just chase the ghost of Tom Joad down CA-99 with a bottle of bourbon in each hand.

Did you hear the Eugene Emeralds have invited me to come up to their park to throw out a first pitch this season, and be part of a pre-game interview where I can share tales from the road? I have given them some ideas for some splendid promotions, but they do not seem to be moving too quickly in implementing them. Bass Boat Regatta Night is a no brainer up there, but Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] does seem to have the same sense of urgency that the front office folk of the 66ers have. You know, I have never thrown out of first pitch for the 66ers, probably because Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] is deathly afraid the once Bads85 gets on the field in front of a roaring crowd, he is not leaving.

Will be there any functional renovations of San Manuel Stadium this offseason? The roof of the bar in The Garage desperately needs to be extended. As you probably have heard, social gathering areas are the new rage in professional sports. The area above The Garage behind first base has always been a natural gathering place. Perhaps a couple of umbrellas and a margarita stand would cement that. Perhaps a statue of my likeness should be constructed so 66ers’ fans can hang out with me even if I am not at the game. Keep the damn Quakes’ fans away though; they smell and dress funny.

Anyway, let me know about my balance so I can pay it in full as soon as possible. Even though I do not have the full 70 game pack this year, I think I should qualify for the name tag on the back of my seat —- The Thirsty Thursday Ambassador tag would be a great photo opportunity. I am bringing 500 raucous middle schoolers to Education Day, so I think that makes up for games I am short. If not, well, that is okay too. Oral tradition does not really need name tags.

Your friend in baseball,


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