Dear Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds}:
I am assuming you have traveled to Cubs Con 2020 this weekend. Perhaps you will run into the Myrtle Beach Pelicans contingent while you are there. If so, please send them my warmest regards, especially Hunter Horenstein [Director of Fan Engagement; Myrtle Beach Pelicans]. I would not be so presumptuous to think my name would come up in conversation, but it you could take a picture with the Pelicans’ gang, I would be greatly appreciative, especially if Hunter is wearing his burgundy pants.
Do you ever go to the Cactus League? I have been trying to get Joe Hudson {General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] to get the Elmore Sports Mafia to have a leadership conference out there every spring, but I think Joe is afraid what the desert air will do to his magnificent skin. Since your organization is also part of the Elmore group, perhaps you could take point on this venture. Maybe your group could casually bump into our group at a game, and we would invite you over to our house to show you what the Cactus League is truly about, plus we can brainstorm promotion and anti-contraction strategies. Be wary of wearing Cubs’ gear though. Some of the old timers in my group were know to hog tie Cubs’ fans on the hood of their truck and cruise the mean streets of Scottsdale.
My crack research team has informed me that you are a Banana Slug. I am almost positive I did some post graduate online work through that institution, so I guess that means we are fellow alumni. Since we are fellow alumni, perhaps you could give me some inside details on the Ems’ 2020 promotion schedule so I can plan my possible trip to Eugene accordingly. After all, I do not want to arrive for “Hello Kitty Pajama Night.” In case you have not figured it out, I do not exactly excel in Family Fun environments. I prefer promotions like “Drink Through Your Retina Night”.
Did you know the Down East Wood Ducks are releasing their 2020 Promotion Schedule next week? You might want to tell the Pelicans that to motivate them. You should tell them about our Bass Boat Regatta too.
Anyway, the rain has started here in Southern California, so I am going to call it an early night because I have a feeling the weekend is going to start early tomorrow. If you get in trouble in Chicago and need someone to post bail, contact me as I know a couple of guys in the business.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
Dead Religions 