Dear Wade Howell [Vice President; Down East Wood Ducks and Hickory Crawdads]:
It has been while since we have conversed as I am sure you have been as busy as I have. I did see you on WITN about the temporary scoreboard solution, and my first thought was, “Wade has been hitting the gym! Look at those guns hidden underneath that grey hoodie!” My second thought was how you can parlay that $90,000 from the city for repairs into a tidy sum large enough to build the scoreboard of the Wood Ducks’ dreams. It is rather simple: LAS VEGAS! They give money away there! One hot night at the tables, and you will have a scoreboard so big and bright the crickets will think it is day.
I know you are thinking, “Bads85, that is a terrible idea. Just terrible.” Normally, I would agree with you but, I would hook you up with my high school buddy, Fast Eddie, who never loses. Even the three years he spent in a Nicaraguan prison for knifing a guy in a fight were a win because of the spiritual growth he experienced. The two of you would absolutely own a craps table. ROLL THE BONES!
You guys can wear the new promo shirts the Southern California Down East Wood Ducks Backers, Sons of Vengeance Chapter are designing: “Don’t Steal My Signs, Bro!” These should be big hit around the Carolina League when Salem or the ‘Peckers come to town, but first, VEGAS! Fast Eddie is a slave e to fashion, so if he is wearing the shirt, you guys will be looking good. He has a World War I leather fighter pilot helmet he wears for special occasions. He once wore it to San Manuel Stadium for Faith and Family Night and embarked on a human strafing run of a church group. The 66ers were giving away World Cup soccer scarves that night that meshed well with the helmet. I must say, he did resemble the Great Waldo Pepper that evening. You guys will have a blast in Vegas.
I am sure you have probably heard, but the Eugene Emeralds have invited me to their stadium this summer to throw out a first pitch and to participate willingly in pre-game interview. They are pretty big fans of mine, but you know how that is. I am helping them organize a Bass Boat Regatta because the minor league circuit needs better tailgates, but Eugene is landlocked. We are going to flood PK Park with outdoorsmen that night. I am still surprised they are going to trust me with a live mic because of the savage in me. I am planning on wearing my Avocados Luchadores de Down East shirt to the game that night unless another organization gives me hard cash to wear theirs.
I see the Collard Greens will have a name for their mascot very soon. He will always be Bad Bart to me, but I will accept the results of democracy. The Songs of Vengeance Chapter is anxiously awaiting new Collard Green merchandise to wear as we walk down the mean streets of the Inland Empire. As you know, looking cool is a full time job.
Did I tell you my motto for the 2020 season? “Promise me you won’t forget the nights that haven’t happened yet.” Everyone in the minors involved in promotions should have that tattooed to their souls.
Your friend in baseball,