Dear Anna Forslin {Promotions Manager; Inland Empire 66ers]:
Since I have not heard from you in a while, I can only assume you are working diligently on the 2020 66ers’ promotion schedule. I feel a bit of remorse that I have not been able to help you, but as one of minor league baseball most prolific ambassadors, I have been very occupied saving MiLB from contraction. I would rather be spending this time before the holidays drinking tumblers of bourbon while brainstorming future promotions, but my talents have been required in the war room. Now with MLB lickings its wounds after the savage salvos fired at the winter meetings in San Diego, I have time to talk promotions.
First though, I must lament that I have not received my 66ers’ holiday card yet. I hope it comes soon. The Myrtle Beach Pelicans have already sent me one, although it looks suspiciously like a postcard of their field rather than a holiday card. It has a great deal of red and green on it, so I am will to give them the benefit of the doubt, especially since the great Hunter Horenstein [Director of Fan Engagement] works for them. Check out his burgundy pants in their Twelve Days of Christmas promo. The 66ers should have a Hunter Horenstien Night at San Manuel Stadium, and the front office should wear pants like his. There should be some wicked drink specials also, and every inning, the PA dude should implore the crowd to raise their glasses to Hunter Horenstein.
I noticed that unlike most minor league organizations, the 66ers have not done a Twelve Days of Christmas promotion where each new season ticket holder gets twelve gifts. Regular season ticket holders get screwed, but that is just the nature of the beast.. While I commend you for being a nonconformist, I think that might help the 66ers’ season ticket sales. I know Sean Petersen is on his honeymoon, so I figured I can step to the plate to help your front office with this, even though I hate that damn song.
First Day of Christmas: One Shot! Any new season ticket holder (STH) must drink a shot with the front office at the season ticket holder breakfast
Second Day of Christmas: Two Beers. (STH get two beer vouchers with purchase). And a Shot!
Third Day of Christmas: Three hot hot dog vouchers. And a Shot!
Fourth Day of Christmas: Forty percent off merchants at the team store on opening night. And a shot!
Fifth Day of Christmas: Five seat upgrades. STH can choose five games over the season where they get to sit in Section 102, the greatest seats in minor league baseball because of Bads85’s Thirsty Thursday Club. And a shot!
Sixth Day of Christmas: Six headshot photos of GM Joe, two California Executive of the Year or forever pinned tweet. And a shot!
Seventh Day of Christmas: Seven Bobbleheads Bobbling. Yes, STH already get this, but this is not the brightest bunch. And a shot!
Eighth Day of Christmas: You know what, we only need seven days, unless you can think of more. And a shot!
Hey, is there anyone in charge of merchandise these days? The team store is getting a bit stale for my taste, and we do not want to end up like the Quakes. Her are some suggestions for some new merch:
- 66ers beanies. These will see in April and in the off season. And a shot! Wait, wrong list.
- Contract This! t-shirts — you know, for solidarity with other minor league cubs.
- El Cucuy hoodies.
- The Baseball Bug t-shirts. Nostalgia sells. Look how well San Bernardino Spirit stuff flies off the shelf.
- 66ers trading pins.
- 2019 California League All Star Game polos. For some reason, I still have not received mine yet.
Hey remember my suggestion a few months ago about SCO Girl Night in which your organization gives away 66ers scrunchies and Puka shell necklaces? I sure hope so because a promotion like this will reverberate with the younger generation who the 66ers desperately need to fill the ballpark as time is running out for the blue hairs. I shudder to think of the number of season ticket holders who are not going to make it through the winter.
I am working on a Save The Homeless Night which will win you a Golden Bobblehead and national respect while I will get to make hobo jokes all season. Win win!
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
Dead Religions 