Dear Taylor McCarthy [General Manager, Stockton Ports]:
I recently saw you in a video on the Ports’ Twitter feed, and I thought, “My, Taylor has a deep, trusting voice. I have not written to him in a while. I should see if he has designed the 2020 California League All Star Game polos yet.” And right after you on the video was Owen Hopkins [Ticket Sales & Merchandise Executive, Stockton Ports]. Oh, how he has grown! Have your promoted him yet? You are fortunate his did not run to AA or join the circus. Talent like that is not going to stick around in Stockton unless it is top dog.
I heard from my 66ers peeps that my name came up in conversation at the California League winter meetings in sparkling Visalia. That does not really surprise me since I had quite the season last year, but those were days of idyllic innocence before Robert Manfred declared war on minor league ball and started telling children Santa Claus is not real. The 2019 season is long gone, and we march towards an uncertain which is why it is imperative I receive a 2020 California League All Star Game polo, preferably before the European tour in nearly June. Fret not, I should be back in time for the big game.
Since I am kind of a big deal across certain circuits, I think it would behoove your organization to grant my traveling party VIP access for the festivities. This your chance to be awarded the prestigious California League Executive of the Year, and you will be scrutinized for your hosting abilities. You need people like my crew to alleviate any awkward silences with ribald tales from the road. The story about how Tommy Lasorda once tried to get me thrown out of San Manuel Stadium always causes the vein in David Elmore’s [Owner; Inland Empire 66ers] to pulsate with glee.
Of course, I would have to come up prior to the All Star game as part of a scouting mission to make sure things are running smoothly at Banner Island Ballpark. I am certain to offer you sage advice about how to ensure the gala event runs smoothly (hint: do not allow your VIPs drink beer through their eye balls so the alcohol hits the optic nerve and goes straight to the brain). Perhaps your organization can give “Contract This, Robert!” t-shits with 5 O’clock Dock grabbing a strategic part of the male anatomy on the front to the thousands of fans that will be in attendance. Or maybe those should go out Opening Night.
Hey, do the hobos still hang out in those bushes along the water in right field? Will they be invited to the All Star festivities, or will they be temporarily moved to another part of town for those three days? Whatever you do, I would approve it with Mayor Michael Tubbs. That dude graduated from Stanford and had his own bobblehead night at a hockey game last year. In fact, you should probably sit him next to me at the All Str game, and I will have the finding for a new scoreboard secured by the fifth inning.
Once the hobos are gone, that frees the waterfront up for a massive yacht party. Your organization has the opportunity to do what cannot be matched in the California League: a tailgate on boats in the channel. Imagine the bourgeoisie of Stockton letting loose on watercraft throughout the All Star festivities. You could line the channel with food trucks and live music. You could boost season ticket sales by promoting this regatta right now. I mean, you should have been on this months ago, and I apologize for not sharing this with you sooner, but I have been busy. Still, it is not too late, and this would be an excellent photo op that could help propel you to Executive of the Year. After all, 2020 is the Year of Taylor. And the Ports, of course.
This is bigger than just an All Star Game; the is an event – -the cultural even of the year in the Cal League.
Your friend in baseball,