Fisher Cats Are Mustelids

Dear Samantha Stawarz [Merchandise Manager; New Hampshire Fisher Cats]:

Thank you for your update about my Fisher Cat merchandise that has never safely arrived to my house. I am glad the matter seems to be resolved, and I will be receiving my order very soon. My postman will be greatly relieved also as I had been convinced his incompetence and laziness was the reason why my New Hampshire Fisher Cats Uncle Sam Mock Twist LS had not been delivered. He is not the most emotionally stable gentleman (my holiday inflatables make him very skittish), and he was no doubt sensing my growing frustration as day after day went by with no package from your organization. Fortunately, my packages from the Cannon Ballers, Wood Ducks, Woodpeckers, Pelicans, Yard Goats, Storm Chasers, Tortugas, Beer Mongers, and Pizza Rats were arriving, so my postman could continue to focus on his job.

I was really hoping to wear my Fisher Cats’ shirt to baseball’s winter meetings in San Diego this week, but that can never happen now. I am sure you can empathize with with my bitter disappointment, but minor league veterans learn to cope when things do not go as planned. Plus, it was probably better that I wore the logos of teams on Robert Manfred’s contraction list to bring awareness to their plight. The failure of my package to arrive in a timely manner probably helped minor league baseball in the long term, so my suffering was not in vain. As those on various minor league circuits will tell you, I am a giver.

You might be wondering why someone from so far away from Manchester would want some Fisher Cat brand. Well, that is a very long story, but the gist of it is that I visited Northeast Delta Dental Stadium last summer as part of an 11,000 mile minor league road trip, and the Samuel Adams Bar in left field is extremely special. As a minor league ambassador, one of my responsibilities is to be a walking billboard for franchises that are doing things correctly, and your organization fit that bill one night last July. 

Hey, I just found out that a Fisher Cat is not a cat at all, but a member of the weasel family. Imagine my surprise! Fishers are much cuter than weasels, although they are not Baby Yoda cute (but nothing is). My favorite mustelid has always been the mink, but that might change one my Fisher Cats shirt arrives. I sure hope you put the right size in the box. Last year, the Quad City River Bandits sent me the wrong size Yoda shirt, and when I sent it back, they were out of those shirts in my size. I handled it pretty well, although their stadium flooded for the first half of the season, and their general manager now is the Executive Director of the YMCA in Davenport, Iowa. The baseball gods can be harsh sometimes. 

Anyway, thank you for your immediate attention in the matter of my shirt. Your attention to  detail is the type of quality customer service that make a big difference in the minor leagues. An organization kick the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes would have never taken the time to inform me where the hell my shirt was. Of course, I would have never ordered a shirt from them because their merchandise has been held hostage by 1990’s fashion for almost two decades, and their beer lines stretch until FOREVER on Thirsty Thursdays. 

May your holiday season be joyous.

Your friend in baseball,


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