Dear Sean Peterson [Director of Ticket Operations and Sales; Inland Empire 66ers]:
At this time, I plan to attend the 66ers Season Ticket Holders’ World Series party on October 22nd . As you well know though, I am a very busy man who is in high demand, so my tentative plans are often subject to change. However, I really want to hang out at The Garage one last time before winter tries to crush our souls. I do have a few questions though – and suggestions because I am a giver.
- Just what do you mean by light snacks? Chips in little baggies? Homemade cookies? Spinach dip? Con queso dip? Greek yogurt? Apple slices with peanut butter? Cottage cheese with flax seeds and cinnamon? Pickled eggs? Celery sticks with cream cheese? Cranberry chocolate trail mix?
- Will you have someone monitoring the snack distribution? During the season end barbecue, some assholes dumped all the cookies into their personal backpacks. Others tried to take home cases of soda. Now I am all about sharing, and really not into cookies anyway, but we live in a society with rules, and when people violate these rules, society suffers.
- Will the new assistant general manager be there? I want to make a good first impression.
- How many potential “future season ticketholders” can I bring? We are not coming for the tacos; we are coming for the booze. And Bernie. But not that Slick guy. We want him dead.
- Any chance the TVs in the bar will be upgraded? TVs are unbelievably cheap these days. Maybe Joe can send the new assistant GM down to get some at Best Buy.
- Will there be drink specials? Maybe you organization should pick a Beer Batter on both teams. Maybe offer some shot specials also. The bar will be fully stocked with Fireball, right?
- Will Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] be allowing the employees under his tender care to drink? I heard Anna Forslin [Promotions Manager] likes to slam shots, and I know Hollee Haines [Director of Group Sales] does. I bet you do too, Rock.
- What are the chances that the cool season ticket holders (like me) get to head up to the luxury suites to watch the game with the cool front office execs (like you) and leave the peasants behind, especially the unbathed in Section 102? I have to sit next to those people all season long.
- If this is a success, what are the chances the 66ers start doing this for big college football games? I mean, I probably will not show up for those because I have my own college football crew, but events at San Manuel Stadium are important for the city’s economic growth. Maybe you guys could throw some season ticket holder potlucks, especially on weekends I know I will be out of town.
- When are you getting married? I still have not received an invitation yet, so I guess the more pertinent question is where you are getting married so I can crash the festivities. Technically, I am an ordained minister, so if you need someone to administer the ceremony, I could probably step in as long as I am in town that weekend.
Your friend in baseball,