Dear Anna Forslin {Promotions Manager; Inland Empire 66ers]:
I am glad you returned safely from the MiLN Innovators’ Summit in El Paso… with a new title! Promotions Manager! I hope a hefty salary increase came with that because you certainly earned it putting up with the likes of me. You probably should inform your IT people that the 66er’s website needs to be updated to reflect your title change, which still lists you as [Corporate Sales Coordinator]. Your email link does not work either, which is why I had not sent you a missive earlier. Did you get your new business cards yet? I do not have to tell just how important those are.
I am ecstatic to hear you were drinking shots in El Paso (in my circle, we refer to them as SHOTS!). I think that pretty much means I am now your unofficial assistant. I think our goal for the upcoming season should be to sweep the Golden Bobbleheads. I mean, we certainly can come up with some better than the Udder Tuggers, or some lame Teacher Appreciation Night from a Florida State League team who drew less than 900 fans for their promotion. As you have probably figured out by now, I am an idea guy.
I still think Bernie and I should race the bases, but for once Bernie gets to win as I wonder into the outfield, doing my little dance that touches the people’s hearts. Bernie can train all winter for this race, creating easy video content for your social media outlets. I will even allow your organization to use my likeness in these videos as I say deeply profound things about modern culture.
Did Sean Peterson [Director of Ticket Operations and Sales; Inland Empire 66ers] tell you about my catchy slogan for Thirsty Thursdays next season? Don’t Forget the Nights That Haven’t Happened Yet. That is so good we could easily expand it for the entire season. I am sure it would sell a great many t-shirts. We probably should get that copyrighted before the tattoo parlors snake it out from underneath us.
The Community Promotion or Event should be your first Golden Bobblehead target. I would suggest something with hobos as they are plentiful around the stadium and a topic the national media will quickly embrace. Soup Kitchen Sundays have a wonderful ring with all volunteers getting free admission to the stadium. Not only will the 66ers feed the homeless, but Sunday’s sagging attendance numbers will get a boost. Perhaps set up some mobile showers in the parking lot, and Bernie can pose with the freshly scrubbed winos whose ruddy cheeks will glisten in the gentle California sun. Or the 66ers could just do something with local schools or a hospital.
I am saddened that you did not get to meet Tom Baxter [Fundraising and Community Engagement Manager; Hartford Yard Goats], who has the greatest hair in any front office in minor league baseball. He cut his teeth at San Manuel Stadium back in 2008. This means he worked alongside General Manager Joe Hudson before GM Joe was even an assistant GM. I wonder if their relationship was warm, or that of a bitter rivalry. Perhaps they even stay in touch today, even exchanging Christmas cards. I do not remember Tom’s tenure then, so he obviously was not a big deal yet. We all knew Joe was destined for greatness though.
Speaking of GM Joe, I have a wonderful bobblehead idea. On Opening Night 2020, the 66ers should have a Mystery Bobblehead for the first 1500 fans through the gate. We will let GM Joe think it is Mike Trout Fly Fisherman Night all during the offseason, but on Opening Night, GM Joe Executive of the Year Bobbleheads presented by Bads85 will be distributed at the front gate. Imagine the look of surprise on his face that night! Oh he might be a little bit upset because of his profound modesty, but that will pass. Before we make this a reality, just what is the cost for 1500 custom bobbleheads?
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
PS: Another possible slogan: In This Moment We Can Live A Lifetime Here!
Dead Religions 