Dear Joe Hudson (General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers]:
Congratulations on receiving the 2019 California League Executive of the Year Award. It seems like just two years ago you were winning the same award — oh, that is right, you were! As you well know, I traveled all around the country this past season, visiting twenty minor league stadiums and rubbing elbows with minor league executives while discussing the nuances of operating minor league organizations. I must sincerely say you organization is the best, which is why I keep returning home to San Manuel Stadium. I think the best reflection of this is the fact that the Inland 66ers were also awarded the Excellence in Community Service for the California League.
While these awards are tremendous, we all know that your greatest accomplishment this season was giving me those Thirsty Thursday Ambassador business cards. With that kind gesture, you validated every single conversation I had with minor league representatives this summer. Those who shunned me are going to feel pretty silly now. I am sure I can gain access to the Minor League Baseball Innovator’s Summit next week in El Paso with the business cards also. I heard they serve great bagels there.
Did you know that the Chihuahuas were one of the teams I visited this past summer? I might have mentioned to security that I was your unofficial assistant to gain access to their exclusive corporate bar high above the stadium. The view was mediocre, but the drinks were flowing. I did not really talk to any of their front office because Southwest University Park is a Professional Sports Catering venue, and their service is total ass, so most of the front office was forced to work a concession line. Their draft beer was warm because the damn fools had the kegs in the sun, which would never happen at San Manuel Stadium.
Is anyone from the 66ers going to MiLB Innovators’ Summit? Perhaps we could carpool and pass the miles by sharing minor league stories and brainstorming promotion for 2020. I am famous for making amazing playlists for road trips. Perhaps I will make an entire playlist of songs that should be played at San Manuel Stadium. Maybe we could take in an Arizona Fall League game on the way out. Or maybe we should just fly as that is a long ass drive.
Once we get there, maybe we can walk around the convention center, looking for executives I have reached out to this season, and you can tell them, “Hell, yes, I know Bads85. He is an invaluable resource to our organization. His bar tabs helped us reach record profits, plus he brightens every room by just walking through the door. He is also a celebrity burrito judge.”
While the fan experience at San Manuel Stadium is one of the best overall fan experiences in minor league baseball, I think we can both agree searching for improvements is never a bad investment of time and resources. Since I have the luxury of traveling throughout the land, I get to see the positives of other parks and offer suggestions of things that could make the 66er’s fan experience even better because I am a giver. I am also a bad ass number cruncher because the San Bernardino City Unified School District trained me to analyze test data to determine trends and delve for solutions. Did you know even though your organization led the California League in attendance this year, it was dead last in attendance on Monday nights? I have spreadsheets if you are interested.
Hey, did you know your nephew is in my class this year? He was so impressed with my business cards. I cannot wait until we tackle our minor league baseball promotions unit this year. Perhaps we will do that right around the holidays so Little Dominic can bond with his Uncle Joe over lagging attendance figures on Monday nights. Or maybe you guys can discuss strategies on how to expand corporate sponsorships outside of the impoverished city of San Bernardino. Or attendance/concession profit algorithms. Or the pros and cons of $7.00 versus $5.00 parking. Or how to handle overzealous season ticket holders who overstep their boundaries. Of course, you could just slip me one of those 2019 California All Star Game polos, and I will not implement the unit until Spring Training.
In all seriousness now, I must say the 2019 season was one hell of a ride. Thank you for being a good sport about my missives, and for everything you did for my friends and family at the ballpark. Not all organizations were as receptive as you guys. One even had sent three goons to meet me in the parking lot – like that could stop me.
Your friend in baseball,