Dear Wade Howell [Vice President; Down East Wood Ducks and Hickory Crawdads]:
I am sure have have heard the big news by now because the word spreads fast in the minors, but last night at Fan Appreciation Night with the Inland Empire 66ers, Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] presented me with a stack of business cards with my name (Bads85), the team logo, and my new official position [66ers’ Thirsty Thursday Ambassador]. It was a poignant moment that left no eye dry in the house. As you well know from first hand experience, I certainly deserve this title and these spiffy cards. Have no fear though as I did not sign an exclusivity clause, so I can still correspond with other teams like the Down East Wood Ducks.
I am not sure of the other particulars of my contract as the festivities of Fan Appreciation Night did not allow GM Joe to hammer out the particulars, but I am sure my official vehicle will be delivered to my house this weekend. I can tell I am pretty important because four armed security guards escorted my group to the gate at the game’s end after a rather silly exchange of words with some obnoxious Rancho Cucamonga Quakes’ fans who were only around at that time to shit on our parade. These people kept reminding loyal 66ers’ fans that their team was going to the playoffs, and the 66ers were not. Finally, I sort of snapped and told them “Playoff tickets in Class A Ball are like tickets to the tractor pulls — you go, but you do not tell anyone you went — except in the Carolina League where the Woodies are going to play the ‘Peckers in the first round!”
From there, things escalated, and I must say that my group did not exactly cover itself in glory, but since there were no angry emails from GM Joe today demanding that I return my business cards, I still retain my official position. If not, well, I have yet to put down my season ticket deposit for next year, so I still have leverage. Plus, thanks to my terrific suggestions, the 66ers will probably lead the California League in attendance unless Lake Elsinore is dishonest with their final numbers.
My wife says I am too old to be concerned about turf wars in the California League. All I have to say to that is, “Honey, we are going to the Quakes game in Rancho on Friday. Wear something that will make you look tough. Debts must be collected, plus it is a bobblehead night. Grant Riddle [Vice President/General Manager; Rancho Quakes] has a reckoning headed his way, as does Professional Sports Catering.” I might paint my face, not because of team loyalty, but because I know certain security guards there will be looking for me because they have nothing better to do than harass the hard working folk. I do not think my new business card will have any clout there.
Anyway, now the the season is about over for me because the California League playoffs mean nothing to me this season, it is time to start planning the big Arizona Fall League trip. I am trying to convince GM Joe to bring his front office out for a mandatory leadership workshop, but he is acting all frugal with the Elmore Sports Mafia’s fiscal budget. I am pretty good at wearing him down though. When does the new Woodies’ merchandise get introduced? I like to of my Christmas shopping early. When does the new Woodies’ merchandise get introduced? I like to get my Christmas shopping early.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85 [Inland Empire 66ers’ Thirsty Thursday Ambassador]
PS: The Peckers’ are touting this upcoming series as “This Duck Hunt”. You should drive over there and LAY SOME THUNDER DOWN!