Dear Sean Peterson [Director of Ticket Operations and Sales; Inland Empire 66ers]:
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, even though this wedding thing will prevent you from traveling to Arizona Fall League in October. Suppose your boss, Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] planned a mandatory team building/brainstorming conference in Phoenix October 3rd through the 7th? You commitment to your employer would force you to go to the Arizona Fall League with your compatriots in the front office and my crew. If any of you get bit by scorpions though, you people are on your own. Time waits for no man in the Valley of the Sun.
Yes, the Arizona Fall League has changed greatly this year, hopefully for the better. The one constant will be the copious amounts of alcohol consumed, and the fine baseball discourse amongst baseball pilgrims who make the Holy Trek to The Promised Land. This year, I will have plenty to wear as my wardrobe expanded greatly during my minor league road trip. Still, I would look really good in a California League All Star Game polo if you guys still have a XXL sitting around the office.
I am rather shocked that GM Joe was the last to figure out my identity. The 2017 California Executive of the Year probably had other more pressing things on his mind, especially since his assistant GM was invisible for most of the season. I must say this — I have been around the country, to parks from the Pioneer and the Northwest Leagues to the Carolina and NY Penn Leagues (except for the Florida State League because who enjoys baseball in a swamp), and GM Joe is atop of the list of esteemed minor league executives I have met. You guys are lucky to work for him; I just wish he would give me my own personal business cards.
Hey, I had a great idea on how to end the season: let me race Bernie in the Mascot Race. This Harlem Globetrotter stuff with the little kids winning all the time needs to stop. I will be the sacrificial lamb and will walk out into the outfield and dance for a bit, then sit down so Bernie can win. You can send the maintenance cart out to get me so I do not get too winded. Having a beer in the cart would be a nice touch. Maybe a shot of Fireball also. I will have earned it.
We can use Bernie’s victory as a promotional video for the 2020 season. Motivated by defeating that kind of a big deal Bads85, Bernie starts emulating a young Rocky Balboa’s training regimen and the eternally buff GM Joe as his trainer. Think of the t-shirts that can be sold! Perhaps enough to get Bernie an updated costume with freshly pressed jersey.
I need to go because I need to drop George Bateman {Ticker Sales Coordinator; Inland Empire 66ers] a quick note.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
PS: Btw, The Bads85 Fan Club thing on the group board last night was a nice twist.
Dead Religions 