Dear George Bateman [Ticket Sales Coordinator; Inland Empire 66ers]:
Are you prepared for the last Thirsty Thursday of the season tonight? It should be epic as I bet GM Joe Hudson might formally offer me a position on this home stand since he has to realize by now that I am kind of a big deal. The G Street hobos have known this for years, but no one listens to them because they smell of cheap alcohol and internal decay.
I noticed that you have your own 66ers’ business card these days. Congratulations as not everyone gets those. I have never received mine, even though I have been the 66ers unofficial ambassador for years. It often means an employee is moving up the front office pecking order. At the very least, it means you have job security until the season ends next week. No matter what happens, you will always have the 2019 California All Star Game polo, something I never received. One would think being the Celebrity Burrito Judge would warrant a polo, but I guess not. I am sure there will be other Cal League All Star games and polos, especially since the league is down to eight teams.
Speaking of polos, I would strongly suggest to the organization that they upgrade the selection of this style of shirt this off season. 90’s golf attire is no longer in style, and the 66ers can do better. You might be thinking, “But Bads85, this is The Dino and no one wears polos except under their Raiders’ jersey at funerals!”, and while stereotype was borne in truth, San Bernardino consists of less than thirty percent of the 66ers’ fan base, despite it being the home city. Let’s ask this question, “Would George Bateman willingly wear the polos currently in the team store?” The answer is a resounding no because George Bateman dresses to look good.
Hey, did you know that Eric Karros bobblehead your organization is giving away this Saturday looks nothing like Eric Karros? It is a splendid replica of the old Stampede jerseys the team wore back then when the club could draw over 270,000 fans a season though. I bet you guys didn’t know that Mickey Hatcher was the manager then, and Charlie Hough was the pitching coach. Those uniforms are sharp, and you suggest that they be brought back next year as throwback jerseys. The 1999 squad wore those uniforms to a league title (see what I did there with the verb “rode” and the horse thing). Flags fly forever, except when the flag pole breaks – ask GM Joe about that one.
So is the final home game of the season this Monday Fan Appreciation Night? Every night is Fan Appreciation Night for me because I am a bundle of positive energy and the hard working staff of the 66ers always bend over backwards to accommodate my needs (MORE FIREBALL), but the downtrodden often like material gestures that they are being appreciated. You were not around the year that Fan Appreciation Night consisted of free lift passes to Snow Summit, which went over so well with the Wheelchair Brigade in the handicap seats.
I need to get going because I need to ponder what jersey to where tonight. I was planning on wearing my classic San Bernardino Spirit jersey, but it is rather hot for that. Decisions. Decisions.
Your friend in baseball,