Dear Woodpeckers@astros.com:
Congratulations on opening Segra Stadium in a successful fashion. I plan on making my first visit to your new place on Friday, July 12th as part of my Carolina League tour. I will be coming from Kinston where I will have thrown out the first pitch for the Wood Ducks the night before upon their Vice President’s request. Who am I to turn down a man like Wade Howell? I am inquiring if it is possible to throw out a first pitch on the Woodpecker’s game I am attending because I will be arriving with a rather large throng of distinguished minor league fans who would love to have an excuse to roar. There is even a rumor that Mayor Mitch Colvin will be attending.
I realize that this is going to be a busy night for your organization since it is a fireworks night (I hear you have the best fireworks in the area), plus it is Vintage Uniform Night. Perhaps many others have requested to throw out the first pitch on this night also, but I see no reason why we cannot have multiple first pitches on this special night, especially since my crew plans on spending a metric ton in the team shop, and probably double that in Healy’s. Since I am rather well known in minor league circles, I will even allow you to use my likeness to promote the game because I am a giver.
I could also make a donation to the Woodpecker’s favorite charity to ensure I get to throw out a first pitch. Please do not think of this as a bribe, but a relocation of funds to ensure that those most in need get assistance. I am sure it will be a wonder photo opportunity to will promote the Woodpeckers all across social media. Let’s be brutally frank for a moment. This July, there will be two type of Carolina League teams: those who have me throwing out a first pitch and those who do not. It would be quite the feather in the Woodpecker’s bonnet to have a someone like myself throwing out the first pitch.
I look forward to your response. If I am not chosen, it will not damper my enthusiasm for attending a game at your stadium. Well, maybe it would a little – perhaps even a great deal. However, it is not like I am going to go to Zebulon as they are on the road that weekend. I am resilient though, so any disappointment will dissipate by my fourth cocktail at Healy’s.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
Dead Religions 