We Move Forward With the T-shirt

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Dear Jerry Mac [Yellow Crayons Graphic Designs Shop; Fayetteville, NC]:

I apologize for my delay in sending you a detailed response to your fantastic picture of the “Fear the Wood! Respect The ‘Pecker!” t-shirt. I have been busy building an ark as it has not stopped raining in California since the bottle of Angel’s Envy on my desk was full. For discussion’s sake, let’s say last Wednesday. I know that natural disasters that cause hobos to float down major thoroughfares really should not hinder a discussion about one of the greatest t-shirts to ever be created, so please understand going forward you have my full atten – hey look, there is an airplane in the sky!

V1.0 of the shirt truly does look outstanding. The bat as an exclamation point is a subtle plus, and the shirt gets the message across without even hinting of a copyright infringement that would earn your business a quick cease and desist letter from the Fayetteville ‘Pecker lawyers when the throngs of fans wearing the shirt start entering the stadium. The lettering is not an affront to the eyes, like the atrocity known as Comic Sans, but it clearly allows the slogan to speak rather than the font. The coloring is just about perfect.

I cannot wait to see v.2.0 which I assume will have the red cockayed woodpecker on the back. I have been giving a great deal of thought to that ‘Pecker, and I am wondering just how bad ass it would look if that little ‘Pecker were dropping a napalm stream on the opposing Carolina League mascots and a mayor who oppose the funding of a Civil War museum. Imagine DEWD of the Down East Ducks, Mr. Celery of the Wilmington Bluestones, and Mayor Mitch getting torched from the sky. Throw a random dinosaur on there, and every kid in Fayetteville will be clamoring to get one.

Of course, the napalm might be a bridge too far, and detract from the overall theme of the shirt. I mean, we want the shirt to be taken seriously, and a T-Rex and Mugsy the lovable St Bernard of the Salem Beer Mongers scurrying to escape of wall of fire might make people forget about fearing the wood and respecting the wood. Sure, a great many people through the Carolinas and Virginia want to see Mugsy roast, but perhaps that idea is best saved for another t-shirt. This is why I defer to your expert judgment.

Have you been to a game yet at Segra Stadium? I am curious to how long the beer lines are since Professional Sports Catering is in charge of concessions, and those guys have a reputation for being real dillfucks when it comes to making people wait in line for their beer.

Again thank you for embracing this endeavor. I am very pleased with your initial results and am greatly looking forward to seeing the next step in your creation.

Your friend in baseball,


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