Dear Kayla Keegan | Merchandise & Special Events Manager | Salem Red Sox
Thank you for informing that my Salem Beer Monger t-shirt will not be shipping as planned. This is devastating news. The Beer Monger Dude has sort of become a cornerstone of my 2019 season, a metaphor for all that is true and just in the world. I really needed that Beer Monger shirt before I jaunt off to Europe in a few weeks — I had big plans of showing him off in Bavaria and the Swiss Alps. Now I will probably have to settle for a Down East Wood Ducks Thirsty Thursday shirt, and those Europeans will look at me like I am sort of a freak or something,
I completely understand this is not your fault, and I believe you are very new to the position, so welcome to the minor leagues, where life comes at you hard and fast. There are amazing highs, like when an organization creates a new shot glass, and horrible lows like when you order a new t-shirt design, and the order cannot be filled. I’ve been doing probably longer than you have been alive, and I have learned to endure the pain, but I must tell you, this one stings a bit because the Beer Monger Dude is a bit of a personal investment for me. Allen Lawrence and I have spent a great deal of time discussing possible names and backstory for our heroic figure.
I am going to go ahead and cancel my order at this time because of my future travel plans. However, I will be through Salem in early July, so I will purchase one then. Allen and I are supposed to be having some ribs and beer then. I was hoping to be wearing the Beer Monger shirt when we met for the first time, but I now have to probably where an Inland Empire 66ers shirt, and the local fans will look upon me with wonder as they have probably not seen such glory before. I was hoping to be more discreet in my appearance, so maybe I will wear an Amarillo Sod Poodles shirt so the fans will just think I am a big clown.
Anyway please go ahead and cancel that order. I am hoping this means the shirts are selling like hot cakes, and your organization is swimming in that sweet, sweet merchandise money.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
Dead Religions 