Dear Wade Howell [Vice President; Down East Wood Ducks and Hickory Crawdads]:
Nice ten game winning streak the Woodies are on right now. However, you and I both know that winning streaks do not usually translate into significant increases in ticket sales in the minor leagues unless you promote the hell out of the streak. Still, it is much more fun to drive to work when the team is winning rather than losing, especially when you take six games in a week from the ‘Peckers. Saturday evening, the Woodies/‘Peckers game was on MiLB.tv at my backyard bar because you know, The Wood Cup. We did not make it through the two hour plus rain delay because our patience has limits.
The schedule gods have been a bit kind and have offered you a bit of time to pound social media before your next home game in a couple of days. Since Tuesdays are Buy One Ticket, Get One Free with a Food Lion card, you might want to send DEWD and Alexa Kay [Director of Marketing] out to the Food Lions in town to promote the team (Alexa is very good BTW; she will probably not be with you long after this season). Maybe between the Food Lions, they can meet Mayor Dontario Hardy for a photo shoot that gets splashed over the local fish rags, and you have a flash crowd swarming your tickets booths Tuesday night.
The Wood Ducks twitter feed is strangely silent today though, indicating the staff threw down copious amounts of booze last night, celebrating the commanding 6-0 lead in the Wood Cup. Or maybe they had a bit too much pork at the BBQ Fest on the Neuse. Or maybe they are scouring the office, looking for my return package that never has arrived. Whatever the case, I am sure by mid-afternoon, DEWD will be cruising the mean streets of Kinston, looking to spread the Woodies’ message of love and hope in these troubled times.
My plate is pretty full these week as I have reached out to a local graphic design company in Fayetteville to create “Fear The Wood! Respect the Pecker!” t-shirts for the masses. Austin Schwartz [Vice President, Sales & Marketing; Fayetteville Woodpeckers] is preoccupied putting out fires from disgruntled fans who are upset about concessions, rainout ticket exchanges, and parking prices. I am sure our design will be exquisite, and Austin will be relieved when zealous fans start arriving at Segra Stadium with t-shirts containing our vision, and he will not have to argue with his bosses about whether people will buy the shirts or not.
The 66ers travel to the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes early in the week, so I will gird my loins and lead my merry band of minions into LoanMart Field to remind their fan base who truly are the best looking fans in the Inland Empire. It is not always easy being beautiful, but sometimes it comes with perks. Hopefully, Professional Sports Catering will have its act together, and the beer lines will be manageable. If not, well, the Sword of Retribution will be unsheathed.
Gotta run; that t-shirt is not going to design itself, even with the help of Yellow Crayons Graphic Design.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: Starbucks in Game of Thrones! Not an accident; just product placement genius!