Hello Again, Austin!

Dear Austin Schwartz [Vice President, Sales & Marketing; Fayetteville Woodpeckers]:

I hope you have been well. I have not written in a while because I knew you were busy with the opening of Segra Stadium. I must say, the pictures of the new place are simply smashing, much nicer than that new stadium in Amarillo, Texas. The scoreboard appears to be an ample size, and you know what they say about minor league executives with ample scoreboards. Now that you have had a bit of break between games, I figured I would send you a missive. Hopefully you are recovering for the wildness of at the Dogwood Festival this past weekend.

As you know, the Wood Cup started last Friday, and not only that is beautiful trophy on the line, but first place is also up for grabs as the Woodies and ‘Peckers sit atop of the standings. Well, both teams were in first until the initial series was played this weekend, and the Woodies swept the ‘Peckers. I am sure that your ball club will perform much better as the Wood Cup comes to Segra Stadium for the first time this upcoming weekend. I am sure the stadium will be packed, unlike in Kinston. I really wish I could be there, but I have previous commitments, and you know I am a man who honors those.

I do have some wonderful news though. I will definitely be attending a Woodpeckers’ game this summer in the July 11-13th frame. I do not have the exact date yet because I am throwing out the first pitch on of those nights in Kinston, and Nick and I have not firmed up the logistics on that weekend, but I will be in town, and hopefully we will have the chance to meet and exchange stories from the road. I also plan on meeting minor league executives in Salem, Wilmington, and Asheville this trip because I am what I would call in demand these days.

I do hope your organization market The Wood Cup a little better than Wade Howell [Vice President; Down East Wood Ducks and Hickory Crawdads] did the past weekend. The Battle for the Wood had the potential to be the biggest sporting rivalry in North Carolina right behind the UNC/Duke basketball thingy. Your organizations should market it as such, calling it the best baseball rivalry in North Carolina, kind of like the Woodpeckers do when they say their fireworks shows are the best in the area.

Every good rivalry plays for a trophy, so someone needs to get on that. Don’t let anyone from the Winston-Salem Dash design it, or it will be something so phallic that pornstars will cringe. The trophy should remain very polished at all times and have a simple but poignant name, say like The Knob. Everyone likes a well-polished knob, Austin. “Hey, Wade, want to go down to Mother Earth Brewery and throw a couple back?” “Sure, but let me polish The Knob first.”

I must say, I really like the Black Ops promotion this Saturday. Will those Black Ops uniforms be on sale to the public? Because I think I am going to really like one, unless if turned out really goofy like the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs Upside Down jerseys. Oy vey, were those hideous.

Anyway, I need to contact the Inland Empire 66ers about a horse. As always, “Fear the Wood! Respect the Pecker!”

Your friend in baseball,


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