I Offer George the First Rate Data Analysis For Which I Am Famous

Dear George Bateman [Ticker Sales Coordinator; Inland Empire 66ers]:

I hope you survived this past weekend in good spirits. I believe we passed each other at the Friday night game and made eye contact. Perhaps you were thinking it was me because no one else in the stadium wears a Down East Wood Ducks hat. I was going to stop you and formally introduced myself, but I was busy trying to pass my liver that night, and did not think we would be well met. I had to go to Disneyland to dry out the next day because Thirsty Thursday and 50 Cent Friday really set my financial advisor over the edge. 

Anyway, I really liked your 2109 California All Star Game polo. GM Joe was wearing one also, but his doesn’t quite fit as well as yours does. I asked him if those shirts would be on sale to the public soon, and he cruelly said, “No, they are employee shirts”, rubbing it in that he gets to work there every day while I only get to come on certain days and drink beer without any minor league executive responsibility. 

Well, Joe, put me on the payroll then, give me a stack of those nifty business cards, and send me on the road to be the 66ers’ ambassador across this great country. Give me a shirt to wear from park to park —- actually give me two because laundry is often hard to do in certain low rent minor league towns. My wife should probably get one also — maybe my two children also. Do not give one to Whiskey Jack though as he will just spill stuff on it. I can even crunch some numbers for the organization.

Speaking of which, let’s take a quick look at some 2019 attendance numbers:

First Home Stand 

Friday         Saturday

3,875           3,807

Second Home Stand

Friday         Saturday

3,572          3,103

Your organization (I would have said “our organization”, but I do not have a cool shirt yet) is drawing better on Fridays than Saturdays so far into this young season. You might be thinking, “Bads85, small sample sizes, hombre”, and you are correct, but about 15% of this season’s home games are in the book. 3,103 this past Saturday is a disappointment (especially with great weather), and sharp minor league execs would try to figure out what happened. Here are some possibilities:

  1. People came Thursday or Friday, had to pay seven bucks to park, and decided not to come back for a while. Fan retention, George. It is one of the Four Gospels of Minor League ball.
  2. Concession line blues. That front concession stand is still train wreck in a mountain pass, which is especially troublesome because it is was the masses see when they come in the gate. My daughter was gone so long getting chicken tenders I though some perv with a van might have whisked her away.
  3. Saturdays are just too overpriced now to draw the big crowds. This is the Dino, not the OC. Drop macro beer prices by at least a dollar and advertise that you are champions of the working man. Keep the craft beer prices obnoxiously high so the beer snobs can feel self important emptying their wallet.
  4. The LeBron jersey giveaway was a failure since the Lakers shit the bed and did not make the playoff. Crossing the streams between sports is always dicey. Had the Lakers made the playoffs, maybe things would have been different. Or maybe people do not really want basketball jerseys, especially since this fan base doesn’t really have the body shape to pull off a tank top. Burlap sacks, yes.
  5. Easter weekend saw people leaving town.

I would venture it was a bit of a combination of all five. It might be absolutely nothing to worry about, but last year, the 66ers drew 8,955 on their first two Saturday nights compared to 6,910 this year (a 23% drop).

Anyway, the Quakes are coming to town. It is time to stoke that rivalry. 

Your friend in baseball,


PS: What happened to Knockerball? The Dino loves it bloodsports.

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