Dear George Bateman [Ticker Sales Coordinator; Inland Empire 66ers]:
Last night was one of the best Thirsty Thursday in years, and I would like to think that is was you that is largely responsible for this. You obviously listened to my first missive and ensured your supervisors stocked the bar in The Garage with Fireball, which most certainly forever changed the course of history at San Manuel Stadium. Almost all of the 4,389 in attendance were there to drink and your organization delivered the goods on that front.
That attendance figure was the second highest in Class A Advanced ball last night, behind only the Fayetteville Woodpeckers, who were opening a new stadium. I bet you did know I was very tight with the ‘Peckers, but that is a story for a different day. Almost 4,400 for a Thursday game is a great draw at the gate, but now we must worry about fan retention. How many of those fans will come back for the next Thirsty Thursday?
Two of the biggest annoyances to casual fans are long lines in concession lines and parking fee increases. No one likes to wait, and no one likes to pay to park as it feels intrusive, almost as if someone stuck a probe in your anal cavity to get into your wallet. Did you know that San Manuel Stadium has the second highest parking cost in the California League?
California League Parking Prices:
San Jose: $15
Lake Elsinore: 5
Bouncing Baby Jesus on a Crucifix Shaped Pogo Stick, George, this is San Bernardino, where the American dollar comes to die. Did the Elmore Sports Mafia dictate this price? Because it is completely out of touch with The Dino’s demographics, and it pisses off people. Is the $2.00 per car really worth annoying fans enough not to come back? Since I am a man of affluence, the money does not bother me personally, but you know me well enough by now I am a champion of the working man. Plus, the extra two dollars slows down the parking lines because the lot attendants have to count odd ball change.
I must say, the concession lines were much shorter last night, although I drank my supper last night. Anyway, I must prepare for Wizards’ Night as I am sure The Hags have a special counteroffensive planned, and I do not want to inadvertently be turned into a newt.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: Have you ever had to sit next to someone at a baseball game whose view is distorted because at some point in his life, some entity placed a full anal bore in his rectum, which has caused him to shit on almost everything good in the world?