Dear Wade Howell [Vice President; Down East Wood Ducks and Hickory Crawdads]:
I have been remiss in our correspondence because my attention has been needed in the California League. Last night, I had to explain to a concession stand worker why you cannot pour beer from a tap attached to a blown keg at the 66ers game. You might be asking yourself why was Bads85 getting this beer from a concession stand rather than the first base bar or the beer gardens? Well, the Beer Batter done stuck out! You might also be asking yourself what is a Beer Batter? The answer is the greatest promotion in sports, one that dates back to the 1980’s at Fiscalini Field in San Bernardino.
Here is how it works: the 66ers designates one batter from the opposing lineup before the game as the Beer Batter. If that batter strikes out, $2.50 twelve ounce drafts for the next fifteen minutes (limit of two). You can surely imagine the tension building with each strike as the crowd salivates. Oh, the cheers for each strike! Oh, the heckles! Lives are in the balance! Dreams are on the line! If only Howard Cosell and Hunter S. Thompson were alive to participate in this today.
Because it was Monday, and the 66ers have dog shit for promotions on Monday (literally— it is bring your dog to the park night), the crowds are minuscule, so there is only one concession stand open because GM Joe is big on saving labor costs. As always, I led the charge of the thirsty masses to the concession line to get our cheap beers, only to be met by an employee who was being outsmarted by a blown keg. I guided her crew through the entire ordeal before there was a riot, but it has been like this all week — putting out one fire after another with the new help, and I do not even get one of those cool 2019 California League All Star Game polos that the paid employees get.
I do have some very good news for you. I have a very firm window of dates when I will make my appearance this summer at Historic Grainger Stadium — one of the July 11-13th dates, probably the 11th or 12th. I am not sure if Thirsty Thursday or Mother Earth Friday is the best game. The ‘Peckers are in town that weekend also, as are Durham, Greensboro, and Kannapolis.
I wore my Woodies’ jersey to Disneyland this past weekend. My liver needed a break from the first base bar, plus the 66ers were giving away some lame LeBron tank top. The large crowd at Disneyland did not fully appreciate the Woodies’ jersey, but most of them are self absorbed tourists. I am pretty sure animated Indiana Jones figure on the Temple of the Forbidden Eye did though — we made eye contact and shared reassuring nods.
BTW, I sent you a 66ers shot glass via Amanda when I had to return a hat because it was the wrong size. It has not arrived yet, which makes me wonder if my wife sent it to the correct organization. If it does not arrive soon, I will send you another one with a six pack of some of the finest local beer.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: Love the uniforms for this Saturday.