Dear Taylor McCarthy [General Manager; Stockton Ports]:
Thank you for your response. I apologize for the delay in my reply, but the life of a minor league road warrior is often intense. I have not had much time to come up for air since the start of the season. After the California League Opening Weekend, Monday night after an Angels’ game, I found myself eating chili cheeseburgers a burger stand in Anaheim where the waitresses still wear roller skates, and draft beers come in 32 ounce cups. Place like this used to be everywhere in Southern California, but then Applebee’s made the scene, severely wounding our cultural fabric. But I digress.
It warms my heart to see a minor league executive eager to hit the road to travel to new parks, so I am excited that you are coming this way. I do not believe I told you I am a long time season ticket holder of the 66ers. It is a rather long story as to how I came to have season tickets for both the 66ers and Quakes this year, but the gist is I wanted to spook the hell of out of some certain obnoxious Quakes’ season ticket holders by having ticket in their section, and they cannot call their little usher friends to get me to move. I can fill in the details while we take a game at the outstanding San Manuel Stadium, although perhaps he should look to the future instead of the past.
While Banner Island Park is the jewel of the California League, San Manuel Stadium is the soul of the league due to the fan experience — except on Monday nights, which just suck because of a weekly promotion the locals will never embrace. Sundays blow also. I hope you plan to attend on Thursday or Friday to capture the full savagery of a fan base who marched to the edge and backed away from the abyss multiple times, and now see minor league baseball as their beautiful reward. The Quakes’ stadium is nice, especially if one has a sterile hospital fetish, but it is at best the fourth most desirable place to see a Cal League game.
Bads85’s Subjective California League Stadium Rankings, Overall Ballpark Experience:
San Manuel Stadium (66ers)
Banner Island Ballpark (Ports)
The Diamond (Storm)
The Epicenter (Quakes)
The Hangar (JetHawks)
John Thurman Field (Nuts)
Recreation Park (Rawhide)
San Jose Muni (Giants0
Perhaps if you send General Manager Joe Hudson a missive announcing your arrival, he will let us sit in the new, double wide luxury suite remodeled this offseason, and we can wave to the peasants in Section 102 named Bongwater, Bacon Hag, Shackles, and Cruel Crimson. We cannot wave to One Hitter anymore because he passed from this earth this past off season, but I am sure his ghost will see us lift a glass to his memory. We can drink GM Joe’s top shelf bourbon and exchange stories from the road like real minor league executives do. After all, I think you would agree that our relationship has progressed from sneaking shots in your office. Maybe we will even let Joe join us if he brings us some of those pigs in a blanket thingies.
How is that stellar employee Owen doing? If his head becomes too big, you can inform him while he certainly beat Ms. Katie Woods [Assistant General Manager; Lancaster JetHawks] to the punch with his initial fulfillment of my request, Ms. Woods sent her merchandise Priority Mail, and her shipment beat Owen’s by two days. I think we all can tip our hats to Ms. Woods’ outstanding commitment to customer service. Do not fret though. I still plan on wearing the Port’s shirt to the Quakes’ home opener in a couple of hours.
I am happy to see your attendance woes dissipated with the bad weather. Guess who leads the California League in attendance now? Why, it is your organization!
Your friend in baseball,
PS: Don’t you agree that every minor league organization should have a Repo Man Night?