Dear Ms. Katie Woods [Assistant General Manager; Lancaster JetHawks]:
Thank you for your response. As a grizzled veteran of the minor league circuit, I completely understand the insanity of opening week, especially when the week stats with April Fool’s Day. Life moves at you pretty fast in the California League — I believe Gandhi said that — or maybe if was Ferris Bueller. I often get those great men confused.
My situation was desperate, so yesterday I turned to Owen Hopkins [Ticket Sales & Merchandise Executive; Stockton Ports] to rescue me from the dire straits on which I had found myself. He stepped up and delivered, but hey you know, it is Stockton. What else did he have to do? It is not as if if was Asparagus Weekend. Still, what he did was amazing — real Darren Pitra [Director of Marketing, Quad City River Bandits] type hero stuff. Owen shipped me a Ports’ t-shirt yesterday afternoon, less than thirty minutes from my initial request.
Have no fear though — I still want a JetHawks shirt to wear to a Rancho Cucamonga Quakes’ game to sit in my season ticket seats on their first bobblehead night. Oh, how those long time Quakes’ fans will scowl, seeing someone with a Lancaster shirt getting one of their precious bobbleheads. Plus, a JetHawk is much cooler than a Port — their sailor dude in their logo looks live a very maladjusted sailor on leave who was ejected for a Singapore brothel. That city seems to have toughness issues. Why would a team want some mean dude as the face of their franchise? “Come to our ballpark and leave as pissed off as this guy!”
I know you are busy today so I will let you go for now. You guys were the first Cal League team to crack 4000 in single game attendance last night, so the Sugar Skull Bobblehead was a rousing success, plus the fireworks did not set the outfield wall on fire. Splendid night!
Your friend in baseball,
PS: I went with the Copa Viento Nike Shirt because like the wind, I am free!