Vegas Questions

Dear Melissa Harkavy [Vice President of Community Relations & Customer Experience; Las Vegas Aviators]:

Good afternoon. I am writing to commend your organization on your new baseball stadium in Summerlin. I have been following the construction of your park on the live camera feed ever since I snuck on the construction site last December. I am pretty sure all photographic evidence of that night has been eliminated, so that can just be our little secret. Anyway, the stadium looks exquisite, and I cannot wait to visit this spring.

Before I journey there from the heart of the California League though, I do have some questions:

  1. Are towels provided for the outfield pool? I would really like to soak my bones out there, but since I am a man in constant motion, I do not really want to be encumbered by carrying a towel.
  2. Are special tickets needed to get in this pool? I do not want to be sharing a pool with the unwashed who have stumbled into the park as a respite for their Loser’s Shuffle.
  3. Is there a bar service in the pool? I am not much for waiting in lines, especially after the Peoria incident in the Arizona Fall League.
  4. Will there be merchandise stands near the pool? That looks like a very long walk around the stadium. Is there are golf cart service? I have handicap parking tags.
  5. Will there be any blackjack tables or slot machines in the stadium? Close to the pool?
  6. Are there any noise ordinances in Summerlin? My likely travel companions, Harold and Dial, have been known to be very vociferous when discussing baseball. Honestly, it is quite embarrassing, but I do not want them to be escorted from the park to the local jail. We all know what goes on in those Nevada jails after watching The Hangover documentaries.
  7. Are you sure the stadium is facing the correct direction? I know it is late i the game to be changing things, but the setting sun will not be a problem with the batter’s eye, correct?
  8. How large are those two dollar beers on Thursdays? How many can you order at one time?
  9. Your Reyes De Plata image is much better than the Aviator thing. Any chance of a full time switch?
  10. Are you sure you can trust Professional Sports Catering for your concession needs? 

I know you are busy person with the new stadium opening soon. I hope to hear from you soon. Remember, the what we do today creates the memories of our future — unless we become senile.

Your friend in baseball,


PS: Let’s keep Elvis out of the building.

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