Dear Jeff Di Giorgio [Vice President of Sales, San Jose Giants]:
I have been instructed by Jason Estes [Director of Marketing; Wilmington Blue Rocks] to drive to San Jose to purchase Budweiser for your consumption in exchange for a bobblehead his organization is giving away. I am not sure if he was implying you corporate credit card privileges had been suspended, but I suppose a trip to San Jose is now in order. I do not know if a person your age really drinks Budweiser, but Pabst Blue Ribbon is where the action really is. An April trip will not work though because my social calendar is full.
I was looking at your May schedule and the games seem to coincide with Stockton, so if I travel that distance, at least I will see a game in one modern ballpark, although I am sure your staff has worked diligently to improve the atmosphere at San Jose Municipal Stadium since I was last there. Besides, it is not where you see the game (unless you are stranded in Potomac), but who you see the game with, and I will be bringing at least one grizzled minor league veteran, probably a guy named Whiskey Jack as long as his Hippy Hippy Shakes allow him to travel. Perhaps Mr. Cheery will meet us also. Do not worry; these guys pay for their own freight.
I understand your duties might not allow you to spend a great deal of time with us during the game, and Mr. Orum [President and CEO; San Jose Giants] and Mr. Wilson [General Manager; San Jose Giants] probably frown upon you drinking beer like a longshoreman when you are on the company dime, so we will put you one a precarious situation. After the game though, well, we can watch the big orange globe rise in the east while drinking tequila sunrises.
As for target dates, man, I do not know if I can resist San Jose Water Awareness Night because when I think of America’s pastime, I naturally thing of learning about how to conserve water while munching on peanuts. Here is an idea: what don’t you Northern California water wasters invest in food control, reservoirs, and canals rather than just waving at excess water heading to the ocean? Plus, the hobos will have a place to bathe. Maybe you should pass out pictures of the Seven Oaks Dam Project to the first 2000 in attendance to promote education on the matter. There are fireworks that night — do not pul lan Lancaster and set your outfield wall on fire, then have to use all that water you just saved to save your stadium for the netx home stand.
Let’s focus on some positives, shall we? Star Wars Night looks solid, although I have a question. Suppose my Padawans are already full Jedi because they are prodigies? Do they still get to participate in the activities? Your Star Wars Night coincides with the Ports’ Asparagus Weekend though, and you know how those in the 209 love their vegetables. Hotel rooms will be impossible to get there that weekend and the San Joaquin Valley will seep into town for the big shindig, especially since the Modesto Nuts are going to be in town. Perhaps Stockton is just a bridge too far. Perhaps we will just focus on San Jose, and eagerly wait for your organization to impress us. I am confident you guys are up for the task, especially if you give the best looking guy in the group (me) dibs on one of those Churros jerseys.
Well, tomorrow is Opening Night for certain California League clubs, so I will let you go, plus it is my last hockey night of the season. I will update you on our plans as they develop. First, we must get home safely this weekend.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: I see you have put the STEAM in Eduction Day. I hope that means lots of live music. Loud live music. Make their little ears bleed!