Dear Jason Estes [Director of Marketing; Wilmington Blue Rocks]:
Thank you for your response. Allow me to get this straight, you want me to drive to San Jose to watch a game in arguably the worst California League stadium now that Bakersfield and the High Desert have ceased operations, and buy Jeff Di Giorgio [Vice President of Sales, San Jose Giants] beer to get my bobblehead? Did he get his corporate credit card privileges revoked? You drive a hard bargain, but that is an inner circle Hall of Fame bobblehead, so I begrudgingly accept your deal, although Jeff is going to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and like it. Is not Wilmington the San Bernardino of Delaware though? I do not want to get shanked.
Some cursory research tells me that you are a former California Leaguer, so there must be a little outlaw left in your soul, even if you are only taking credit for 34% of the Whit Goodman Bobblehead, which is going to look so good with all my other bobbleheads. The Cal League never really leaves you, much like Herpes II except without the embarrassing topical sores. The Cal League leaves dignified scars on our souls, especially if your season tickets are next to people named Bongwater and Bacon Hag. I am sure we have many stories to exchange as San Jose Stadium has its share of miscreants also.
I must say I find the idea of a lack of sales tax intriguing, but I have found that if one just walks out of the store without paying for the merchandise, sales tax is not applied. Your way seems less likely to involve tasers though. More importantly, I have always wanted to meet Mr. Celery as he has tantalized my dreams for quite sometime. I am not sure if he is a savior or a vessel of destruction, but I believe our paths were destined to cross.
I really do not know what to wear to your stadium in July. I am sure the humidity will be oppressive, and I do not want to sweat through any of my minor league jerseys. I perused goods on your online store, and I must sat, your choice of selections is outstanding, unlike some of kinky dink organization like the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes or the Lancaster JetHawks (those clowns do not return emails either). I cannot really decide what to purchase — paralysis by analysis. Perhaps you could advise me.
I see your home opener is this Thursday, so I will let you go. Those boxes of wall calendars your organization is giving away Saturday night are not going to unpack themselves.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: Remember, hugs are better than drugs, unless the cocaine is high quality.