Dear Jeff Di Giorgio [Vice President of Sales, San Jose Giants]:
Good afternoon. I am writing to inquire about the complimentary tickets that are usually distributed by Rotten Robbie’s Gas Stations. Is this program continuing during the 2019 season, which starts next week? I figured it would since your organization was seventh in attendance last season in a ten team league, barely outdrawing Modesto and Visalia, both farm towns with small stadiums.
My friend, Mr. Cheery, disagrees even though he is an eternal optimist. He figures any minor league organization that charges $100 for a PSL in a stadium that was built in 1942 is not really interested in saving it fans any money, especially when it already has the highest ticket prices in the California League.
Mr. Cheery does have a point about your stadium, which belongs in the Northwest or Pioneer League rather than High A Ball. I tell Mr. Cheery that every club cannot have the comfort of Banner Island Park, the charismatic fans of San Manuel Stadium, or the hospital sterility of LoanMart Field (fuck the Quakes!), but Mr, Cheery is a local, and I am not. I am just a minor league vagabond, happy to travel from town to town to enjoy the oral tradition of minor league ball, except in Adelanto or Potomac because those stadiums are cruel and inhumane (and thankfully out of commission after the 2019 campaign).
It is rather surprising that the city of San Jose hasn’t built a new, state of the art facility, maybe one even large enough to snare a AAA affiliation. I suppose graft runs deep in the Silicon Valley, and any money earmarked for a new stadium is better off lining a politician’s pocket. Besides, we all know how sports facilities sent the city of Stockton into bankruptcy, and maybe San Jose never really grew out of the agricultural shadows, so it perhaps it is best that the Giants’ High A team plays in a stadium that opened months after FDR’s “Day That Will Live In Infamy Speech.”
So are Rotten Robbie’s going to have the free tickets or not? Mr. Cheery needs to know. For the last few decades, the law of supply and demand has been kicking your organization’s ass, but by all means, keep dry humping that hockey model that your organization seems to be embracing. You probably should keep throwing the freebies to the gas stations just so you have a reason to keep the concession stands open on the early weekdays ((we know you cannot give them away at Orchard Supply Hardware anymore because of that pesky Chapter 11 Bankruptcy they field). Joey Bart has a big appetite, man. That frame is not going to feed itself.
Mr. Cheery eagerly awaits your response. I probably will not make it up to San Jose this season because I am heading off to Carolina League for an excursion this summer, plus a venture into the NY Penn and Eastern Leagues. Here is wishing you guys a strong season in ticket sales though.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: Have you acquired extra fire retardant for Heliot Ramos upcoming flameout?