Dear Corey Bugno [VP – Corporate Partnerships; Winston-Salem Dash]:
I am not one to argue with success, and your organization led the Carolina League in attendance last year, but you guys seem to be very top heavy in corporate sales staff. I mean, you have five people including yourself choking that chicken. You have more corporate sales peeps than ads on your outfield wall. Yes, I realize you have one of this fancy electronic advertising boards on your left field wall, but just how many corporate sponsors do have you have to justify five people on this task?
I suppose it is working though since you guys surpassed the Frederick Keyes in attendance last year. I must ask though, was it at the cost of the common fan? Because you see, I am the unofficial champion of the common fan for minor league baseball. I am also the unofficial assistant to General Manager Joe Hudson of the Inland Empire 66ers, and it wasn’t long ago that dude was the California League Executive of the Year. I am the guy who keeps GM Joe grounded, whether through organizing beer boycotts when the concession prices get to high, or teaching the masses how to recycle parking passes to avoid getting gouged.
Do not get me wrong; I am all about maximizing profit, just not by stepping on the backs of the common fans, well, except for the assholes. Sticking it in their rectum is the path to their wallets! Maximizing profit is why I am interested in your digital billboard in left field. Those things were begat out here by the Anaheim Angels before they changed their name to the Los Angeles Laughing Stocks, but have never made it to the the California League. Just how many ads can you get on those during a game?
And just how sharp is the resolution on those things? Let’s say the 66ers wanted to put a likeness of my buddy Harold up there? Would it resemble him? Or would the image look like Atari Basketball? Could we also put his image up there with a caption, say something like, “Beware of the snark with this one!” And are your corporate sponsors local yokels, or do you get national big shots also, say like H&R Block, the ever friendly online tax service?
Your scoreboard does not look to have high resolution — real Lake Elsinore amateur hour. Any plans on updating that? The rest of the park looks phenomenal, even the statue of the little kids ball hawking. Most states of children have a Holocaust feel, but not that one. My son used to be a ball hawk (he once snagged over 30 balls in a season), but he outgrew that just like Little Jackie Paper outgrew Puff. You guys should use some of that sweet, sweet corporate money to upgrade your scoreboard. Now the Mudcats, they appear to have a spiffy scoreboard. I bet the Woodpeckers will also — not those hill cocks in Down East though.
Hey, did you know all the cool people just call the Woodpeckers the ‘Peckers? Fear the Wood! Respect the Pecker is what they say in Fayetteville. Little birds do not really command respect, but big, strong ‘Peckers do. Their Vice President of Sales & Marketing, Austin, is a sharp, sharp dude. I expect the ‘Peckers to make a big splash this summer. I am going to try to make it to their park this summer and sit in a luxury box with Austin when we are not pounding Irish Car Bombs in their outfield bar like real minor league executives do.
Maybe we will make it your fine stadium, although they do Thirsty Thursday so well in Greensboro, and I can only spend so much time on I-40 because I have to get up to Canada to meet a bunch of people who have been long expecting me. I suppose I could just stop by your park, and you can show me how that electronic billboard works while I tell you some stories from the road. Perhaps we can sip a bourbon.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: Did you find the movie Solo satisfying?