The Cleveland Indians inched closer to their season goal of ninety losses Wednesday in Chicago, losing 10-6 to their division rival, the White Sox. Skipper Manny Acta was upbeat after the game, saying, “Hot Damn! We are in mid-season form. We normally don’t play like this until our GM trades our best players for dubious prospects. Whenever you lose when your ace is pitching, well, that is a good day. Of course, we really don’t have an ace, but we’ve lost twice already with Masterson pitching, and we can build on that. This team is going to be special.”
Former Tribe legend Kosuke Fukudome kept alive his quest to hit .400 this, picking up a hit to keep his batting average at .400. “I’m not really concerned about my individual stats,” said Fukudome. “I’m just glad I am outta there.”
Dead Religions 
Not to fear. Cleveland will be saved by a 38 year old statistical snoozer who is out to prove you can get 3000 hits and still not deserve to be in the hall of fame any more than Tommy Harper does.
Ah, to be Phillip Humber!