I Offer A Solution to the Band Cracker

Dear David C Lowery [ American guitarist, vocalist, songwriter, mathematician, and activist]:

I am writing to you because of the bitter disappointment due to the cancellation of the Flannel Festival in San Pedro, California this weekend.  Rock ‘n roll was never supposed to be about suffering in middle age, yet here we are, feeling like a child who received coal in stocking on in Mentone as the smudge pots belched their dark smoke into the crystal blue sky on Christmas morning. I am sure you feel just as disappointed as those who not only coughed up sixty-five clams for a ticket as well as a hidden eleven dollar service fee.

I understand this was well beyond your control, but I believe there is a saying in your profession that the show must go on (the rock n roll profession; not the college professor gig). Since I am a man of solutions in a world of incessant whining, I am offering my backyard in Redlands, CA as the venue site. Rather than pounding tequila shots in frustration in some dungy bar in Hermosa Beach, you and the boys can venture to the city of your roots, then rock the tranquil hills of South Redlands near the country club. We do not have to worry about my neighbors calling the police because they have lived by me for twenty-five years and are quite used to spontaneous, raucous gatherings.

I know the harsh, confused Inland Empire music scene was not exactly kind to Cracker in the 90’s, but things have changed with the passing of time. And you know, fuck those people for not appreciating you guys when you were young. Those people are probably tending bar at the Loser’s Lounge in Laughlin, Nevada, or working the counter of a jet ski rental place in Lake Havasu City al having black holes in their hearts where their souls should be. I am sure you would play in in front of an avid crowd if not just because I host the most wonderful parties.

I cannot offer your band monetary compensation because I am not about to start having cover charges at my parties, but I do promise a trip to Redlands will provide a great deal of spiritual wealth for you and your compatriots, especially if we have a pre-party at the bar at Empire Bowl. Perhaps the esteemed Mr. Hickman can play of couple of Unforgiven songs between Cracker sets – “Cheyenne” is a house favorite. If you would like, I could present a preferred set list for Cracker also (hint: it would lean heavily into Sunrise in the Land of Milk and Honey).

Anyway, I need to see am man about securing a taco truck. Hope to receive a confirmation from you soon.

Your friend in baseball (and rock ‘n roll),


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