Dear Kyle Day [General Manager; Spokane Indians]:
Thank you for your response. I have been slow with my rejoinder because National Hat Day was quite the demon in the sack this year. Plus, my boostered ass still managed to acquire a case of the Omicron, so my missives have been in short supply of late. I am am glad you initially enjoyed my annual holiday card, and let me assure you that my greatest regret of the 2021 season was that your picture was not on that card. However, we were not able to have a drink together because you were so busy when I was in Spokane. Meanwhile Chris Duff [President; Spokane Indians] is in about fifty pictures on my cameral roll. My wife asked if that guy actually works for your organization, or was he a groupie.
Winning the prestigious Golden Bobblehead might indeed alter your children’s perception of Christmas. As a parent who is pushing (lovingly) his last child out the door soon, I would suggest that you just fake winning the bobblehead until they are old enough to learn the truth about Santa, and then they will not be so mad at you about the Elf on the Shelf thing. Also, I think it is important to begin sharing experiences of PROMOTIONS GONE BAD, lest they grow up and forget to tape the wrappings around the hots dogs before they are launched from a giant slingshot between innings. Yes, I know the Spokane Indians do not have bad promotions, but plenty of other clubs do. You do not want to have to sit in Section 102 of San Manuel Stadium while the crowd chants “Tape the Foil!” for the rest of the summer after your child rushed his promotion preparation.
Your idea of a giant Allan Benavides [General Manager; Eugene Emeralds] inflatable head to mark the entrance of your kids’s zone is quite brilliant. I would add eighteen holes of miniature golf since you already have the clown head. Maybe Allan’s head can say things like, “STRANGER DANGER!” and “Just Say No to Red Ribbon Week!” Keep the tequila away from THE FACE as tequila make’s Allan’s mug do odd things.
While I appreciate your idea of tiered ticket prices, I think you might have it backwards. Charge the out of staters far less money to attract the baseball roadtrip pilgrims. Let’s face it; Spokane is a bit out of the way on the baseball roadtrip route. However, Pioneer League roadtrips are becoming very popular with MiLB bucket listers, and Spokane has a very accessible airport, and so much quality golf that it could be the gemstone of a Moose Drool Trail baseball roadtrip (I just made up that Moose Drool Trail moniker. I am sure your corporate accounts people can make something happen with Big Sky Brewing).
Speaking of gemstones, your parent club, the Colorado Rockies, play in the Jewell of the Cactus League at Salt River Fields. I highly recommend a stop by there, if only to check out the minor leaguers on the vast practice field, which might might be the extent of the Arizona action in March if Mr. Manfred gets his way. It might be an NCAA spring baseball journey this year.
I am going to try very hard to get to Spokane this summer for a game, especially now that Kalispell, Montana has the Glacier Range Riders. Because of the limited amount of games in Spokane in July, I will not be there when the Emeralds are in town, so perhaps I can repair my reputation that certainly took a vicious hit while traveling with the Eugene contingent. My liver is just getting back to normal from that the last trip. Well, it will never get back to normal, but I have learned to live with that.
Your friend in baseball,