Dear Ryan Moore [President; Myrtle Beach Pelicans]:
The baseball gods have bestowed great fortune upon us as the 2021 Myrtle Beach Pelicans schedule aligns with my travel schedule to South Carolina this early summer. June 1st is the target date for my triumphant first appearance at TicketReturn.com Field at Pelicans Ballpark. The minimum in our group will be eight very thirsty people, but that number could very well grow larger once word spreads, and more of my associates across the land receive there COVID vaccinations. Hopefully, I will be able to throw out the first pitch, otherwise my traveling companions will be very confused as our primary destination in South Carolina, Hilton Head Island, is not exactly just down the road. They are coming to the game to see me bring the heat.
Since this is really going to happen (barring a radical change in our travel plans with will make us substitute a Charleston RiverDogs game earlier in our trip), my travel group is requesting some concrete answers to solidify our plans.
1. What should I wear? An MiLB road warrior always must look good. Since I have Splash Bucks to spend, I am thinking a Pelicans’ jersey is in order, probably with an Inland Empire 66ers t-shirt on underneath to represent my roots. Which jersey though? I am leaning towards the home white because that would probably mesh best with my skin undertones, but the alternative blue looks sharp also. Of course, if you guys were introducing a Pirates’ logo jersey this year, well, that would be the obvious choice. I have not decided what cap to wear yet.
2. Where should we sit? I was thinking of a luxury suite, but the furniture in the picture on your website gives me a little pause. I am sure it is just bad lighting, but those chairs and sofa look like they escaped from the Sigma Alpha Epsilon house at the University of South Carolina. Perhaps you could evoke the “Other Duties As Assigned” clause in our dear friend Hunter Horenstein’s contract and have him take some pictures around your glorious stadium so my group could make the right choice. If you are worried about any County Health restrictions with our group, the solution is very simple: just make us employees for the night. We can be your official alcohol tasters. We would take our responsibilities very seriously as we are consummate professionals.
3. What bars should we visit before the game? I see your stadium is right across the street from something called Broadway at the Beach. We would like to avoid soulless corporate chains unless the drink special are just too good too pass up. We are not really interested in Breastraunts either. We would like a place where heavy pours are the norm, and the bartender does not want to go to bed with us. Perhaps that is not possible in Myrtle Beach, but there has to be something better than the lounge at Top Golf.
4. Since the game is on a Tuesday, I would expect the promotion schedule will not exactly have a full dance card that evening. I could probably put something together real quick that would not only entertain the fans, pay tribute to the military, and help the local community, but also secure your organization that elusive Golden Bobblehead, plus everyone gets tacos. I do give your organization permission to use my likeness in any advertising.
5. How is your relationship with Mayor Brenda Bethune? She is going to probably want to have a photo op when she hears I will be at the stadium. I hope like certain other local politicians, she does not too clingy. I understand she has an upcoming election this year, but I am will be in Myrtle Beach to savor MiLB baseball, not write speeches. However, if it were to get the Pelicans a new video scoreboard, well, I would endorse her.
6. Did you know that on June 1st, 1495, the first known batch of scotch was recorded? The Roundheads also defeated the Cavaliers at the Battle of Maidstone in 1648 because LeBron James had not been born yet. No way the Cavs lose to the Roundheads with him in the lineup. I think I fell a promotion coming together.
Anyway, June 1st. Mark the date. The spirit of the Carolina League will live.
Your friend in baseball,