Dear Hunter Horenstein [Director of Fan Engagement; Myrtle Beach Pelicans]:
My sources have informed me that you have arrived in Southern California. As a precaution, I added some extra cameras to the home security system and ensured the dude in the sniper tower has unlimited access to hot coffee so he can remain ever vigilant. You see, I am not sure if you were miffed by the burgundy pants comment not that long ago, and one can never be too careful these days because there are all sorts of crazy people on the internet. I am pretty sure your visit to Southern California really has nothing to do with me though, even though I am kind of a big deal. Most minor league execs do afford me the professional courtesy to inform me they are coming to town, so forgive me for being wary.
Perhaps you are in town to interview with California League clubs — the Stockton Ports have an opening in the general manager position. Pat Fillipone [President; Stockton Ports] will probably be despondent when he discovers I am not interested in the position, especially since the Ports are hosting the 2020 California League All Star Game. You might have deduced that I am excellent at planning and executing gala events, so I really am the guy to be on point for the All Star event planning. Perhaps I will just offer my services as a remote contractor and offer advice from afar as the humidity in Stockton is just too for this desert wanderer. They better send me on official All Star game polo though,
I am sure that while you are apparently spending the holidays in Southern California, your mind is with the Pelicans. After all, this is the time of the year when detailed promotion planning lays the groundwork for Golden Bobbleheads. Here is one for you: Billy Zane Night. Invite him to the game, your staff can re-create the climatic scene of Titanic when Caledon Hockley chases that scoundrel Jack and opens small arms fire as the unsinkable ship makes its slide into the ocean. His cult like following will flock to Myrtle Beach and the game. Maybe you could scream, “I am on top of the world” from atop the scoreboard at TicketReturn.Com Field at Pelicans Ballpark as that Celine Dion song plays.
You might be wondering why I am offer you such sage advice when we have never formally met. I am a giver, Hunter, and you seem that you might be a minor league lifer, which is a rare thing in today’s current minor league business model. In general, minor league owners do not pay their front office staffs enough, even though most clubs are making a great deal of money these days. Because of that, young talent like yourself often leave. The owners do not have to pay more because other young guns are always knocking on the door. Hey, it is a business, so they can do what they want, but a great deal of knowledge gets lost with this turnover — knowledge that has to be re-learned again by younger employees.
No one knows the history of a minor league organization like the employees who were working there at the time. As you know, are certain nights, things just happen at a minor league park, things usually not related to the baseball game. — it could be a mascot race gone wrong, a tweaker destroying the relish bottles at the condiment stand, or a video on the scoreboard that causes the crowd to roar. It could some fans coming into the press box on the last Tuesday night of the 2018 season and hijacking the music being played over the stadium sound system. When front offices experience high turnover, this lore usually leaves with the employees, and over time, this erodes the minor league experience for everyone.
I suppose I am all about preserving the oral tradition of minor league baseball through missives with those who know the business. Of course, I am also all about the art of promotions, which is why the Stockton Ports will be offering Zamboni rides up and down the waterfront this Cal League All Star game.
Have a good holiday season. I hope you are a vigilant with people who leave their holiday decorations up too long as you are with those who put them up too early.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
PS: I do not really have a sniper in my front yard. I do have a Christmas inflatable of Santa and Frosty in a duck blind, and Frosty has a shotgun, while Santa has binoculars. This year is right next to Snoopy on a Zamboni, which is driving to another Santa in a taco truck. I modeled my lawn display this year after the All Star game in Stockton, which is why the band is front and center,
Dead Religions 