Dear Danielle Chylinski, [Promotions & Marketing Manager; Hartford Yard Goats]:
The word on the mean streets of minor league baseball is that you are the brains behind perhaps the very best Twitter account in MiLB. While that is a bit like being the tallest pygmy, I must commend you on the brilliance of the recent “The Chargers are coming to Hartford” campaign, which truly transcends most creative endeavors found within the parameters of law and order. I dare say, there might be a little bit of an outlaw in you.
I write to you because I would really like to see the Chargers leave the region I call home because they do not belong here and are a burden on the good people of Los Angeles, especially those of us who live in the exurbs. In case you have not heard of me, I am a wizened minor league ambassador who travels from park to park, exchanging tales of the road with others who are cut from the same cloth. I even made it to Dunkin Donuts park last summer, although I did not stick around for a game because the Fisher Cats have a better bar. I did purchase some pretty sharp Yard Goat merchandise because I am a slave to fashion.
I would like to offer you some advice, but let me assure you I am not mansplaining even though I have my own business cards presented to me by Joe Hudson [General Manager, Inland Empire 66ers and two time California League Executive of the Year] at Fan Appreciation Night last season. You obviously are very competent at your job. However, we have a common goal, plus it is a very long time to spring training and the long winter days pass much quicker when one is chasing delusional griffins.
The first thing you should do is illustrate while the owner of the Chargers vehemently denied the team was moving to London, he was strangely silent about the team moving to Hartford. This should generate a great deal of speculation in your area, and right now talk is your greatest ally. Maybe make a call or two to some local television outlets to see if they will run with this (they usually do as most of the intelligence has been bred out of TV reporters for appearance).
Secondly, you need boots on the ground in the Los Angeles area. I think my son and I are the only people who own Yard Goats gear in Southern California. You should talk to Mike Abramson [General Manager; Hartford Yard Goats] about requisitioning some gear to send to me so I can distribute to my legions (we all wear size XXL because we have shoulders broad enough to carry the weight of the word). Mr. Abramson knows who I am as I have been sending him missives for quite some time. This time last year, Wade Howell [Vice President; Down East Wood Ducks and Hickory Crawdads] sent me some Wood Ducks gear, and I can modestly say it changed the course of his organization. There is even a Southern California Down East Wood Ducks Backers, Sons of Vengeance Chapter now.
Your organization have a Southern California presence will not only facilitate a quicker mover for the Chargers to Hartford, but you will expand your brand into an untapped market. Imagine Yard Goats bling all over Disneyland, Hollywood Boulevard, the Santa Monica Pier, and Griffith Observatory. Networking can make that happen. Networking and a catchy slogan that involves trains and goats.
Hey, I have a totally unrelated question: what is like to work in the same office with Tom Baxter [Fundraising and Community Engagement Manager] and his magnificent hair? Did you know he cut his teeth in this industry with the Inland Empire 66ers? he did not make a lasting impression with me then, so I wonder if he cropped his hair back then.
Pardon my digression. Normally, I am razor focused on the task at hand, but that hair.. Whew. I look forward to hearing from you as we work to rid Southern California of the Chargers while expanding the Yard Goat brand into my back yard.
Your friend in baseball,
Bads85
Dead Religions 