Dear Tom Baxter [Fundraising and Community Engagement Manager; Hartford Yard Goats]:
Congratulations on the Hartford Yard Goats being awarded the coveted John Henry Ross Award, given to the club which demonstrates an outstanding, ongoing commitment to charitable service, support, and leadership. Will you be part of the Yard Goat contingent heading to the 2019 Baseball Winter Meetings™ at the Hilton San Diego Bayfront in San Diego, California on December 8-12 to accept the award? This award is certainly the result of your hard work and dedication, but it seems like the top brass is basking in the glory of the press releases. I am a confident you are a team player so this does not bother you personally, but the minor league baseball world is being denied candid shots of your fabulous hair.
You see, I am a minor league ambassador who travels from park to park to spread good cheer and the oral tradition of minor league ball. I even made it to Dunkin Donut Park last summer, but not for a game because of the scarcity of tickets that night, plus I heard Northeast Delta Dental Stadium had a much better bar. I did hang out in your team shop for a bit, buying some pretty cool Yard Goat bling that I now wear on my journeys (the most recent being the Arizona Fall League Championship weekend). At the end of the 2019 campaign, Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] dubbed me the official Thirsty Thursday Ambassador and presented me a stack of my own personal business cards with my title for my travels.
You might remember GM Joe as you cut your minor league teeth with the 66ers back when Joe was still running the concessions part of the operation. He was recently awarded his second California Executive of the Year Award, mainly because San Manuel Stadium (Arrowhead Credit Union Park when you worked there) recently hosted the greatest Cal League All Star game ever. Many would say I played more than a small part in that, but modesty prohibits me from taking credit, plus GM Joe never gave me a 2019 California All Star League polo, even though I was a Celebrity Burrito Judge on a food truck throw down night.
Our paths might have crossed back in 2009 when you were the Group Events Planner for the 66ers because I am all about bringing groups to the ballpark, but probably not because I would have remembered your magnificent hair. 2009 was a bit of a rough year to be in the San Bernardino area, even rougher than normal. Urban blight was spreading through the city in leaps and bounds, and all the heroes had traveled east of Eden. It is no wonder you turned around and headed to Scranton, especially if you were work rivals with GM Joe — two young, dapper looking dudes trying to climb their way up the minor league front office ladder.
I see your organization will be hosting the 2021 Eastern League All Star Game, which is pretty heady stuff, although it means fans will not be able to eat peanuts as they watch the best players of the Eastern League play for honor and pride. An all star game without peanuts is like a circus without elephants, but it is not like yo guys are forcing people to eat fetid possum pizza — I think. Plus, this peanut ban does not seem to be affecting your attendance or attracting violent protesters bankrolled by the vicious peanut industry and Bartholomew Richard Fitzgerald-Smythe, aka Mr. Peanut. Make no mistake, Mr. Peanut is a shit stirrer.
Anyway, I need to go as Game Six of the World Series will be on shorty, and it could be the last baseball game for a while, except for the Mexicali road trip in a couple of weeks to se the Aquilas in some Liga Mexicana del Pacífico action. The job of a minor league ambassador is never really done.
Your friend in baseball,