Rock and I Talk Landscaping

Dear Sean Peterson [Director of Ticket Operations and Sales; Inland Empire 66ers]:

How you holding up, Rock? You know, with George Bateman [Former Ticker Sales Coordinator; Inland Empire 66ers] just disappearing in the night. I know you have your upcoming nuptials to worry about (I am sure I will receive an invite), but I am sure San Manuel Stadium is a much less pleasant place to work without George. I can see walking around a corner, expecting him to be in the next room, then remembering he no longer works for the 66ers.

Hey, he did not leave his 2019 All Star polo behind, did he? It probably would not fit me, but his shirts were always kind of baggy. I am starting to have doubts if Joe Hudson {General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers is ever going to give me my own polo, but I am pretty sure Taylor McCarthy [General Manager; Stockton Ports] is going to give me one as part of our bond to return splendor to the California League in 2020.

As you well know, I traveled to twenty minor league parks last season, and through my travels, I realized the California League is losing a bit of its luster, trapped in the shadows of Major League teams and the limited in growth by the dusty agriculture freeway known as CA-99. I know you are thinking, “Dammit, Bads85, the season just ended, and I am getting married soon! I have more pressing matters on hand!”

Well, Rock, I am sorry I have to dump this on you, but George left, so you are my ears now, at least until your organization hires a naive youngster we can fuck with for months. Plus, I am looking out for your future as the Elmore Sports Mafia ultimately signs your paychecks. Once upon a time, not so long ago, say in 2014, the 66ers were the gem of the Elmore Sports Group. The organization just won the Cal League Championship, and the club rebranded with spiffy new uniforms and merchandise. Most importantly, some dude named Bads85 became a full season ticket holder, transforming the fan experience at San Manuel to lofty heights.

These days, the 66ers are the only cog in the Elmore Sports Machine that had an attendance decrease this season. Yes, the 66ers lead the Cal League in attendance, which is badass, but Amarillo has a shiny new stadium, San Antonio has AAA status, Colorado Springs has an enormous stadium for the Pioneer League, and Lynchburg still has not been captured by the Union Army. The California League seems to be retreating, losing two franchise to the Carolina League in recent years, and has no plans for any new stadium construction in the near or distant future.

So where does this return to splendor in the Cal League start? With very small steps in our backyard. One thing I noticed in the Carolina and Eastern Leagues is the crispness of the landscaping outside the stadiums, something that has been lacking in the Cal League since the drought. Well, Rock, the drought is over, so it is time to freshen up some of the neglected areas around the complex with some fresh plants. A little touch up paint will go a long way also. Remember, going to a baseball stadium with neglected landscaping is like wearing a tuxedo with shit stained boxers. Sure most of you looks good, but everyone is going to notice THE STANK.

This should be a league wide effort. It will not cost that much to make Cal League stadiums pop again. Take plenty of pictures and have Ben Hill write an article about it for Throw in some environmental mumbo jumbo, and we are saving the planet! As you well know, once we are saving the planet, we have the go ahead to start selling t-shirts indicating we are saving the planet. Since we are creating revenue, this project almost initially pays for itself, and we reap long term gains. Maybe we should print some posters about saving the world to give to the local schools to promote Education Day. GM Joe can pose in some overalls and a straw hat while planting some marigolds.

The best part about this plan is you almost certainly get the Booster Club to do the manual labor.

Your friend in baseball,


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