Dear Ben Hughes [Manager, Marketing and Communications; Fayetteville Woodpeckers]:
I am sure sleep is elusive tonight as your organization plays the deciding game of the Carolina League Championship tomorrow at Segra Stadium. While the outcome is meaningful, remember, it is the friends you made along the way that is the real Mills Cup of the 2019 season. While I cannot be there in person because I am headed to Visalia for the California League Championship, know that I am there in spirit and will be watching the game on MiLBTV, so feel to jump in front of the camera and wave.
To ensure victory and merchandise sales over the winter, I give you permission to print a picture of my likeness to post in the front office so your co workers can touch it for good luck. I am sure Mark Zarather’s [President; Fayetteville Woodpecker] face will just light up seeing my smiling image and his chest will swell pride as he appears 5’9” sashaying through the office up until first pitch I do regret that I must inform you that Mr. Zarather no longer holds the crown of most magnificent hair in the minor league front offices; that award title is now held by Tom Baxter [Fundraising and Community Engagement Manager; Hartford Yard Goats]. Please do not inform Mr. Zarather until after the game.
Tom is going to be a speaker at the Minor League Innovators Summit in El Paso later this month. I am sure he and I will hit it off smashingly, especially since I know have my official Thirsty Thursday Ambassador business cards. I still do not know if Joe Hudson [General Manager; Inland Empire 66ers] is paying for my expenses for the trip, but I plan on being a fixture at the hospitality suite. I am sure there will be a one of executives wanting to talk to me, but if you are there, I will let you cut to the front. Not Austin Schwartz [Vice President; Sales & Marketing; Fayetteville Woodpeckers] though. He waits like everyone else, unless he has a drink in his hand for me.
The summit will be held right across the street from the Greyhound bus station, so there should be many hobos greeting us when we enter. You know what would be a funny prank? Bringing about thirty of these less than fortunate souls to Evan Most [Manger of Multimedia; Carolina Mudcats] workshop on telling the best minor league story. Hey, Zebulon, narrate this! We can take our new guests through the donut stations also because minor league baseball is all about giving back to the community.
But anyway, I am getting ahead of myself. You have the big game tomorrow. 4,000 in paid attendance would be a fine feather in the cap of the Inaugural Season at Segra Stadium, especially since your organization is charging $11.00 a ticket. I hope you have alerted the local media outlets to promote the championship with some “lives in the balance, city’s honor is on the line” bullshit that will get the rubes through the gates. Do you guys have the pull for a military flyover? I bet if you ran down to Yellow Crayon in the morning, you could get some cheap giveaway t-shirts to entice the locals.
Anyway, I need to get to sleep. Visalia is not a short drive, and the drinking will start early as the Big Rock Inn serves a delightful breakfast and volumes of vodka. We might be drinking straight through our eyeballs by time we reach the stadium.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: I hope your organization is prepared for the debauchery that follows a League Championship.