Dear George Bateman [Ticker Sales Coordinator; Inland Empire 66ers] and Sean Peterson [Director of Ticket Operations and Sales; Inland Empire 66ers]:
I have included two spreadsheets I created that chart the daily attendance trends of the 2018 and 2019 season. I am sure your sleek front office already has technology like this, but I am not sure if the higher ups share this info with you. I created these so all of us are in the loop, but mainly so I can present hard evidence to GM Joe about what nights need a reduction in beer prices [hint: all of them].
I fully expect these spreadsheets and any I make in the future to become the gospels of the front office. I am sure that the phrase,“Refer to Bads85’s Spreadsheets” will become office mantra. Most importantly, it will give the two of you dismissive powers when you are assigned an odious task. You reply to your superiors’ requests with, “You know, I don’t think that is in Bads85’s spreadsheet. We better not do that now.”
Since I am the Inland Empire 66ers’ Thirsty Thursday Ambassador now, the first attendance trend I analyzed with my bitching spreadsheets was attendance on Thursday nights. I quickly discovered an alarming trend in the second half of the seasons. Take a look at the paid attendance figures of the last four Thirsty Thursdays in 2018 and 2019 knowing that the season averages for Thirsty Thursdays were 3448 (2018) and 3134 (2019):
As you can see, except for the the last Thirsty Thursday of each season (the most bittersweet night in all of baseball), attendance plummets late in the season. Yes, my good friends, Thirsty Thursday loses its luster as the season progresses. I would venture that San Manuel Stadium straddling two distinct deserts has a great deal to do with this. It is brutally hot in July and August in The Dino, and people just do not get excited to go out in the heat to drink cheap beer. Obviously, just trotting out Thirsty Thursday on social media is not going to get the drinking folk out of their air condition to come to the park. It is imperative that the 66ers market that Thirsty Thursday San Manuel Stadium is the place to beat the heat. Adolph Coors built an empire on similar thinking; the 66ers should also. Here are some suggestions:
- In social media ads, superimpose snow on the images of the San Bernardino Mountain beyond the outfield.
- Come up with a clever, but simple expression like “BEAT THE HEAT!” that creates the illusion that it is going refreshing at San Manuel Stadium. Oh, everyone is going to sweat, sweat, sweat, once they get in the gate, but they will have already paid by then.
- Show beautiful models frolicking in skimpy clothes with beers in their hands. You are probably going to have to use the IE Dance team for this, lest the front office become centerfolds for the unwashed masses. Trust me, as a man who has been treated as a sex object his entire adult life, I can tell you that is no fun. Have one ugly dude drinking double fisted though so the common folk of the Inland Empire can relate.
- Two words: Super Soakers.
- Extend the roof on the bar of the garage for more shade. Put umbrellas in The Garage — not those tiki things though as we do not want a citrus rat problem.
- Forge a partnership with a local water park. Maybe they will be willing to build a real water slide in left field. Make sure the slide embraces the outlaw spirit of San Bernardino.
- Have a Beer Batter on Thirsty Thursday (and Friday for that matter). $1.00 off the cans if the Beer Batter whiffs. It is the simple things that keep people coming to the park.
- Ticket stubs from previous Thirsty Thursdays are good for two bucks off game tickets. Thursdays are a huge walkup night —get more Thursday Warriors to return. Create Thirsty Thursday Warrior t-shits (you have my permission to use my likeness since I am the Thirsty Thursday ambassador).
- Get the margarita machines cranking. Do you know the primary ingredient of margaritas? Ice. Cold, cold ice.
- Bikini Night! Yes, some hideous people might show up displaying too much flesh, but imagine GM Joe in a Speedo and Santa hat! BEAT THE HEAT!
Your friend in baseball,