More Hard Facts For Grant

Dear Grant Riddle [Vice President/General Manager; Rancho Cucamonga Quakes]:

I attended my final Rancho Cucamonga Quakes’ game of the season this weekend, and it was as miserable as experience as the other nine games I attended this year as part mini-season ticket package, so I suppose I must applaud your organization for its consistency. Being a minor league road warrior, I have been to twenty minor league parks this season from El Paso, TX to Norwich, CT, and I must say my time at LoanMart Field was the least pleasurable. However, it was not the summer’s most disappointing experience, which would be Galaxy’s End at Disneyland, so your organization does have that going for it.

Since I am just gushing with positivity, let me note two things your organization did improve upon since April. First, and most importantly, the beer lines are much shorter. That might be just because people are tired of paying $9.00 for a Bud Light draft in a plastic cup, but the servers are very competent and friendly. Secondly, your organization has greatly improved the merchandise in the team store. Oh, there are still some gaudy items left over from a 90’s aerobics class, but there are some new items that actually resemble clothing from this decade.

One thing that must improve before the playoffs are your employee shirts. Look, Grant, they are dressed like hobos that have been dumpster diving for weeks. Those green t-shirts were hideous at the season’s start, and they have not help up well in the wash — they aged more in a few months than Iggy Pop’s face has his entire life. They are faded, worn, and reek of the depression only a dying summer can bring. Spring for some nice polos so your hard working employees do not look like slobs that live in a tent community behind the Bass Pro Shop. 

You see, Grant, your employees are your organization’s best asset. They work their asses off in  congested stadium designed by the Mad Hatter. They remain courteous and sincerely cheerful, despite constantly dealing with an entitled fan base that really should be shot into the sun, even though your organization makes dresses them in rags gypsies would not wear. Invest a bit in your employees; they deserve it. 

Normally, a customer as dissatisfied as me would not renew his season ticket package, but not only am I a minor league ambassador, but I am also a watchdog. I plan on being around next year also just to keep an eye on your organization to ensure you are not shitting on the California League. 

Your friend in baseball,


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